Quiet please, there's a lady on stage.

It kinda sorta just nailed me in the face that I'd never be in a show again - not really.
Through fall break I watched Pete's Dragon on a whim after finding it while cleaning our attic. And then there was Mary Martin's Peter Pan. Laughed so hard... felt old... remembered.
The Boy From Oz might not have been the 'best' musical by most people's standards... And Hugh Jackman might have had a lot to do with me liking it - but I adored the rest of the cast. They made the rest of it work, its fun, flashy old school Broadway. The giant chorus numbers, the dancing, the costumes - its a huge sort of show I would've loved to have been able to be a part of one more time - like Whorehouse.
That's why I think of it now, I guess... because it fits.

Conductor, turn the final page.

So - no more? Is that it?
I'll tech through Philadelphia Story for my own sanity. I can't survive a full show in the spring. It'll be the only show I've been around for and didn't try out... But a.) I don't think I could handle it, not to mention, b.) I doubt I'd get cast... I'm no twiggy Katherine Hepburn, that's for damn sure -- and dammit if I don't need some time for myself.
I feel like I lost everything I had from Australia...
I want to be able to fit going to the gym into my schedule - maybe join that women's soccer league with Jaime if its not restricted to local players... Not collapse after 12 hour work days, or work/rehearsal/homework catch-up. And I don't even need to go into the damper effect it seems to have on my social life...
But how do you walk away from something like this?

When it's over, you can all go home

I feel like theater brings out the worst in me.
Or maybe that's what Producer did to me, I'm not sure.
Theater makes me have no time, eat wrong, gain weight, lose sleep, lose track of friends, blow off grades, ignore impending real life, get cranky, snappy at people... the list goes on.
And yet I love it. Hah.
I am so screwed up.
Standing on a stage pretending to be anyone else but me is a wonderful feeling...
But the timing I feel, is perfect.
Just when I don't think I can keep 'doing this to myself' - it stops on its own for me.
Just slows down so I can get off.

But she lives on

And singing will still be there...
But when May comes along - no more going into the theater to be alone with Rodden and sing, checking for pitch as it plays catch with me off the back wall...
I don't truly have much to be so very proud of from my acting experience...
Having a voice that puts you as a stronger singer than most males gets you Judas in a free license Jesus Christ Superstar... But in a female dominated arena - with me still singing the male parts... heh, opportunities are few and far between.
I just now realize as well -- that I never got a chance to sing a real duet...
And for that I'm sad - because what an awesome collaboration they can become...
A friend to make through a song...
Because it's the people I've met, the friends I've made, the lessons I've learned.
And, well, I've learned letting go.
The people who will still be there, will be there.
And that stage will always be somewhere for me to sing my song...

On the stage alone.

So put your hands together, help her along,
All that's left of the singers, all that's left of the song.
Stand for the ovation,
And give her one last celebration.

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