So there have been ups and downs on blogs recently.

I understand both sides of the Top 15 argument – though if I may point out, everybody just loooved them last year… just sayin’ ;-)

I’m still wary of them, but cleaning house has been important to me in the past months. I’ve overlooked some that probably would’ve been here because of their preferences or lack of giving a crap– So it's more like a Top 12 but it doesn’t mean you might not be in here somewhere…and that I'll probably tell you I love you when I see you next.

And of course, to be slightly different, and I give you my enormous

2007 Wrap-Up Extravaganza!

Fun for the whole family! Win Fabulous Prizes!
Familiarize yourself with the inner workings of my mind!

*batteries not included, may cause blindness and bouts of uncontrollable screaming

2007 in a Nutshell

My Best Decision: I. Matter. Too.

My Worst Decision: Letting certain people matter too much…

My Best Decision on a Whim: Saying what the hell, and working at the Bates Motel.

My Best Eureka Moment: Remembering I love to read/Remembering I love to dance – and acting on both of those realizations.

My Best Dumbass Moment: So *that’s* what OBX stands for!

Top This #1!
(*and note, they’re in no particular order)

If a person could successfully wish away pain just once, I would use that wish for you. The phrase 'life's not fair' doesn't even begin to cover it, as far as I consider things concerning you. I was spoiled once in how often I got to see you, and now it’s the complete opposite. I'm so thankful for the adventures we've had together because they'll always be amongst the defining and best moments of my life. I hate now that I don't see you at all. I still think of you any time I try to start a more intellectual conversation. I think of you even more when that attempt leads to disappointment over the general lack of ‘giving a shit about the rest of the world’ that’s rampant in a lot of places. I really need more of you in my life. Because I'd trust you with anything. I think you know that, but I don't think you realize just how much that means to me. Or how hard I'd try to do anything to make you smile.

Best Film I watched on DVD: Everything is Illuminated (tears)

Best Film (as in *I* had the best time) I saw in theatres: Hot Fuzz

Most Underrated Film of the Year: The Kingdom

Worst Film of the Year: Spiderman 3 – Peter Parker… in EYELINER? Oh c’mon!!

Top That #2!

Waiting for a chance to fix whatever’s broken in this friendship is painful. Especially when I’m not quite sure what to do. Life gets in the way. Has gotten in the way. It'll never be the same, but I’ll never forget how we used to be. We're both changing and trying to keep that link is hard. But I think we both want it. I don't know what I'll do if you don't feel the same. We get awkward and eggshelly, within moments of being on the level of TMI-comfortable. I'm glad we still can talk about things, but I feel like I'm saying more? Perhaps because you don't have the issues, or you don't want to share them with me anymore. You’re the one that saw what happened with certain friendships in the past, how much it hurt. I just won't let go without a fight. Not on this one. Not on you.

Best Artist I discovered this year: Lily Allen

Best Dance Floor hit: Don’t Stop the Music – Rihanna

Best Alt. Rock Single: We’ve Got Everything – Modest Mouse

Best ‘so Emo*I* hurt’ release: The Bird and The Worm - The Used

Best Mainstream, but even *I* listen to it song: Makes Me Wonder – Maroon 5

Top This #3!

I’m lucky to have you. Even though I’m not old enough to really say this, I think you’d know what I mean when I say, “You keep me young.” You’re the best listener I’ve ever met. You’re quick to love, and quick to hurt – which I hate to see, but your sensitivity is part of who you are, and what makes you so empathetic. And I couldn’t be more proud of you. You’ll come to learn that personal successes, whether it’s simply being known for always sticking to your guns, or being completely dedicated – are worth much more than the limelight. But *you* have to know and believe that. You give yourself far too little credit. And it can be a hard road to change that. But I’ll be there to push you forward, to laugh with you, give a shoulder to lean on, or an ear to listen when you need it. Because I need you beside me to see eye to eye on life, the universe, and how freakin’ stupid guys are. ;-)

Best New Online Guilty Pleasure: Derrick Comedy

Best Online Waste of Time: Superpoke, JetMan, or SuperDeluxe

Worst display of the complete breakdown of the American Education System available Online FOREVER: Miss Teen USA South Carolina.

Top That #4!

I don't know how it got to this point between us. There really wasn't any call for it when it started. And then suddenly there it was, going so deep without us even realizing it, both of us so thankful it started and was there when we needed it. Because I couldn't do without you. You're a constant in my life that demands very little of me (in my opinion.) But loyalty is something so ingrained, for the both of us I think - that I don't expect it with you - I know it. I admire your resolve, and worry at your moods, and always hope that you'll keep striving to look on the bright side of life and laugh a little more. You'd be there in an instant in any way you could for me. And it's an absolute blessing to have that safety line. In very low moments you don’t know what it meant to be able to remind myself that you still gave a shit, and could spot a quiet something bothering me from a mile away. I'll keep working to be the same for you.

Best Moment In Science This Year: The discovery that skin cells may someday be used in Stem Cell Research, which means coming closer to helping people with Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s (among other things).

Best Mass-Marketed History Lesson This Year: Ken Burns’ “The War” 14-hour documentary on PBS.

Worst Display of the Fact That Our Government Doesn’t Give a Shit About Our Aging Highway Systems: The collapse of the 35 West Bridge in Minneapolis, MN

Top This #5!

I'm kind of in awe-slash-so happy of/for you. I flatter myself, thinking that I've rubbed off on you in the smallest way, and that it's helped you as you’ve shattered the mold as of late. I'm glad to be one of those people who can say I saw it in you all along, just waiting for the right time. No matter what, even in exasperated ‘fistshake’ moments, I’ve always wanted good things for you. You’re genuinely you, even if you’re still trying to figure out who that is exactly. And I really admire that. I wish for you all the confidence you need for the route you've chosen - a route which shows just how much smarter you are than me in so many ways – but it doesn’t stop you from listening to me either. Stay open, and questioning, and always absorbing new thoughts and ideas – I can’t wait to keep watching how chia-pet-tacularly you grow in different ways. I'm keeping you. And I’m extremely proud of you, regardless of the fact, that there’s really no call for me to be so. But there it is.

Best Road Trip: Val, Doug & I started the year right with our “Pennsyltucky or Bust” trip to see Megan.

Best Weekend: Hands down, the Old Hats Poconos Weekend, Wii tacular, drunken Tengamo throwing, snowtubing action with some of my favorite folks.

Best Last Minute Adventure: The Greg-Amy-N-Pam Skiing Extravaganza with oodles of Allie Wendling and Nik & Perry-poo in the middle. So thrown together. So amazing!

Best Road Discovery: The Liquor Store the size of a supermarket just off I-95 in Delaware – Tax Free Liquor! And free samples poured!

Top That #6!

Every way I've tried to write this has come out either like a cop out, or kicking in your teeth. I'm kind of not happy with how our friendship functions anymore. Mostly because I feel like the only thing we successfully do is laugh together anymore. The whole 'feeling unvalued' stuff isn't for me anymore, and to be honest, even just thinking about you involves having to think of your 'issues' - and it's exhausting. It didn't use to be this way, but I stayed. And I don't know when I lost cred with you either, because there was never a question of loyalty on my part. You probably won't see it like that, or realize what kind of shit I get forced into sifting through, and that the only reason I bothered was because I cared about you.

Best book found randomly at the library: The Outlander Series

Best new bad habit: Reading trashy romance novels. About vampires. Or British people.

Best Book Published: I Am America (And So Can You!) By Stephen Colbert

Top This #7!

I wish I saw you more. We always have so much fun, but both have too much going on, as usual. I'm so glad you're in a good place. You know what I mean. Even you know that things are swell, all things considered. You really are brilliant, and I really hope you move forward in your career and go courageously into the future in some ridiculously flamboyant fashion. You absolutely deserve it, and I know you adore me as much as I adore you – I don’t care what anyone else might say. I told someone recently that I considered the two of us a 'mutual admiration society', because I know we'd both go to great lengths for one another. And it's truly comforting to have that, even when we can't see each other as often as we once did. We just need to keep plugging along and working at it like we do - and who knows, maybe we'll still take over the world together. Nothing has me smiling faster than thinking of being silly with you.

Biggest Loss to the Literary World: Kurt Vonnegut

Biggest Loss to the Musical World: Luciano Pavarotti

Biggest Loss to the Film World: Jack Valenti

Biggest Loss to the Mime Community: Marcel Marceau

Biggest Loss to Will Ferrell & SNL Fans Everywhere: Robert Goulet (Goooolaay!)

Top That #8!

I feel like we both have these moments where we worry like we don’t know each other as well as we had hoped, and wonder about it. But I think we do, on a level where it doesn’t require sweating the small stuff. Or rather, we accept and care no matter what. You accept me and my ‘should’ve kept my mouth shut’ moments – and I sincerely couldn’t be happier for you in your new openness about the importance of this big thing in your life. I wish you’d have felt more comfortable with throwing it out there sooner. Because anyone that might be weirded out doesn’t really know you, or deserve you. You’re wise beyond your years, and I think people are really starting to see that now. You can still be silly, and crazy – which is good. It can help you through a lot. I hope your journey with this only grows stronger & more meaningful to you. I wish I could embrace something like you do. You’re a beautiful person, and I can’t wait to watch you shine – and hopefully get to see more of you!!

Best New TV Obsession: Heroes

Best New Obsession in General: Organizing… even more.

Best *&* Worst Development in TV: The Writers’ Strike… now I’ll never see Lost!!

Top This #9!

I love you to death. But sometimes I want to beat you with a sock filled with quarters. It’s over something that I feel like you should’ve grown out of by now. Like – You should’ve learned this somewhere! You need to try & ... listen better. Not project back onto yourself as much. I can't preach to be the better person, because you are a wonderful person. I feel like this is a ‘piece of food stuck in your teeth but no one’s saying anything’ thing. Because you deserve it. We need to keep growing up (christ do I realize that about myself as well - please believe that and help me work on me too!) and learning about ourselves, and keep changing into the people that we really want to be and have others see. You've got so much of it right. And I’m sure there are things about me that make you want to strangle me, but we put up with those things because we’re friends.

Does Life Go On After College? Yes.

Does Life Get Better After College? Yes! You will have significantly higher amounts of sanity.

Top That #10!

I knew from the beginning that we’d be friends – because we both kind of rock that way. We’re pretty damned open with each other about things, and I’m glad that we’ve been able to hang out more because times were too few & far between for a while there. Things in your life right now have me giddy. Because I SO called it. Or rather, thought of it wistfully & then let it float away like so many of my more grandiose ideas. You’re probably the most patient and kind person I know. You kind of amaze me in your job, your attitude – most things in general. The world could use more people like you. In addition to that - our crazies mesh so well together! Yet we can calm them down & reel them in, snickering all the while that others don’t realize how crazy we can get…

Revelations:
- Most of my valued friendships have only gotten stronger during the second half of this year, which I’m really thankful for. Sometimes a little alcohol is all it takes to get things out there.

-There are a few that haven't had as much of a chance to move. People in school are short on time & sanity, and I *so* get that – but I’m determined to grab some quality time with you yet.

- Friends that disappoint never seem to realize they’re disappointing – For shit friends shouldn’t have to drop hints for. But it gets old. And I will be a convenience for no one.

- I’ve become even more of a fickle shopper now that I’m losing weight, which is funny because I thought I’d just start grabbing anything smaller that fit and be happy.

Top This #11!
Wondering how you're doing is something of a habit of mine. I wonder if you've started to listen to the growing group of people around you telling you things that I've told you all along. I hope you have. I wish you could relax as yourself more. And I could actually be there to see it sometime; because I worry it doesn't even happen anymore. Not really. Or maybe I don't want to see or admit that you've changed and grown into a different person I'm not sure I'll really know again because my window of opportunity feels like its shrinking and surrounded by distractions. But I wish you'd realize how willing I am to listen to you again. The group of people whose complaints I will actually listen to in their entirety isn't that big - and you're supposed to be in it. I’m supposed to be able to blatantly tell you when you’re being a shithead about this, or that I can’t believe certain choices you’ve made in the company you keep because you’re YOU and you’re not *supposed* to do that. I’ve been replaced in a lot of respects, which is totally okay, but I used to think I still counted for something to you. Right now… I really don’t know anymore.

Affirmations:

-Thanks to the ladies who’ve let me sort out issues by rambling.

-Thanks to those in my family who’ve stuck close for a lot of... change.

-I'm not done changing yet.

-I can't wait to see where I'll end up.

Top That #12!

I don’t think you even use blogger, and if you do, I don’t know it… yet – but goddammit, I enjoy you, sir! We’ve always sort of randomly brushed past one another over the years, but this year we’ve finally had the chance to actually speak to one another, and lo and behold, we get along splendidly. I love our cross between wretchedly stupid and obscenely brilliant conversations. I hope this new friendship, wait for it waitforit – GAY! – will bloom in the New Year and that we learn more about each other and all that crap. You’re definitely a kindred spirit, and I’m so glad we’re finally friends. I already think you’re super smart, so don’t let me down, and thanks for rekindling my interest in writing. Hearing you talk about your job makes me feel all jealous, but more ambitious to maybe take a swing when I’m ready.