Best book Read This Year (found randomly through a late night chat with Michael Borton): Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies by Agnes Nutter, Witch by Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman


Best Book Devoured in one day of SAT proctoring and subsequent BRT night shift: Twilight, by Stephenie Myer


Best new bad habit: Book-stalking and holding books at the library/Hunting down all other books written by favorite authors I have yet to read = Enormous Task AND following the Sookie Stackhouse series both in print and on the HBO adaptation...



Best Book Published Before 1930 Read This Year: The Masqueraders by Georgette Heyer (1928) It's like Jane Austen never died...




Best New TV Obsession: House



Biggest Loss to the Literary World: Kurt Vonnegut
Biggest Loss to the Musical World: Luciano Pavarotti
Biggest Loss to the Film World: Paul Neuman
--Saddest Loss to the Film World: Heath Ledger
Biggest Loss to the Media World: Tim Russert
Biggest Loss to the Fasion World: Yves Saint Laurent


Biggest Loss to the World in General: Dith Pran, the Cambodian-born journalist whose experiences of brutal enslavement & eventual escape from that country's murderous Khmer Rouge revolutionaries in '79 inspired The Killing Fields, which is still the best wide-reaching testament of the genocide that happened there.



Worst Setback to the Women's Movement in 20 Years: Sarah Palin

Revelations & Affirmations

-The gym and I will be better friends in 2009, even if my social life slows down slightly because of it. I've gotten too far to stop now. :-)

- No relationship is perfect. The closer you get, the worse the damage can be sometimes - but it's worth it for that closeness & comfort level.

- Now I just need to keep talking.

- I miss having conversations about books, film, art... just something different. I've got to find an outlet for that...

- Learning to let go isn't a simple process, but I think I'm getting it.

- The shortlist of things I want to do but haven't, due to money or whatever, is getting penned in this year, I can feel it. :-)

Over the next few days, 2008 will come back to me in a cluttered fashion, which will allow for posting of random thoughts on its occurences.


My Best Decision on a Whim: Dyeing my hair fun colors.

My Best Eureka Moment IS My Best Dumbass Moment This Year: Those JESUS signs. That consist of a little block of wood with other little pieces of wood glued on top and it says, "Jesus," on them? There has been one in my house since I was born.

I never actually saw the word 'Jesus' in the negative space until sometime this August.

I always though the weird squiggles of wood were something akin to very basic Aramaic symbols that represented Jesus name.
I was elated and felt completely idiotic at the same time.

Come on everyone, laugh at me. This was awesome.


Best Film I watched on DVD: Goodbye, Lenin!

Best Film (as in *I* had the best time) I saw in theatres: Iron Man/Dark Knight/Tropic Thunder three-way tie. Don't make me pick -- because I can't!

Most Underrated Film of the Year: Australia (why do you all hate it so much! lol)

Worst Film of the Year: Hancock (Why, Will Smith, WHY?)

Best New Online Guilty Pleasure: Kate Beaton Comics (http://www.katebeaton.com/) She has 2 series of 'Historic' Comics that are ridiculous.


More later. I'm only here because I was out Christmas shopping and A. My phone died, and B. My cousin desperately needed me to email him a cute photo of him and his sister so he could print it and put it into a frame for his parents for Christmas.
And my back feels like its going to implode on itself from weakness in structure. Yay Chiropractor... but, yeesh...

I was doing so well!

I read two novels by Neil Gaiman, one of them also penned by Terry Pratchett, called Good Omens - this being similar to the film Dogma but years older, and ten times funnier.

Then Gaiman's world famous Neverwhere, and after that Stardust.


I finally read Kurt Vonnegut's Slaughterhouse-5, Joseph Heller's Catch-22.

The twistedly brilliant Time Traveler's Wife, and then Kazuo Ishiguro's heartbreaking Never Let Me Go. I even gave Annie Proulx's short stories a chance (I really don't like short stories... I adored her Shipping News though) by reading Heart Songs.



Eight Books.

Eight REAL books, and I stumbled.

Goodreads sent me an email update... someone had read Dead Until Dark.
The first book in the Sookie Stackhouse series... of eight so far. Go figure.
I went to my library's website... and put it on hold minutes later.
Less than a week later, I'm already on the 4th book.

At least I can say there's great characterization, great stories -- its better than Twilight. It feels more real than Twilight. It's not as sappy and idealistic.
But its still trashy vampire fiction.
And I love it so dearly...

Sigh.
I'm still putting a dent into my library copy of The Golden Compass. It's less exciting have seen the movie, but still interesting.

I still have a copy of Albert Camus' The Plague on my bookshelf at home, along with his The Fall, and Exile & The Kingdom, and Annie Proulx novel Postcards from the library.


Lets face it - all these other books will receive little attention till i finish all 8 of the currently published books until I can get my hands on the 9th book due in 2009.
This is what I do when I get obsessed with a book series.

It was nice, being a semi-intelligent reader, while it lasted.... :-)

Bwahahahaha... 3 posts in one month.
Blogger tells me I haven't done this since March, and I think I now officially have made 2008 the year with the most posts (by one.)
I shouldn't even write anything else, just to be that guy...


Yesterday Mom and I went to NY to try our luck at TKTS in Time Square to grab some tickets to a Broadway show. It was our... third trip this year. We ended up getting ridiculously good seats for Arthur Miller's All My Sons, starring John Lithgow (sweet jesus), Diane Weist (so good!), Katie Holmes (adequate). Our first straight drama. Actually we've done two plays this year and just one musical. All have had wonderful famous folks in them. We saw Nathan Lane in November, & Patti LuPone in Gypsy over the summer. We've really had great luck this year on our trips!

~*~*~*~*~
Also... I'm working a total of 14.5 hours this week at work.
This, is amazing. And with my own version of Christmas Break starting at the end of next week... I am one pleased blue-haired lady. (Oh my GOD, I just kept getting compliments in the city yesterday.)

~*~*~*~*~
My weekend is looking like its about to choke to death - Opening Night tonight at the theater, Megan's birthday celebration tomorrow night, going back to NY saturday afternoon for Tom & Meg's shindig Saturday night, maybe or maybe not doing more in the city, or attending a fundraiser Sunday.

~*~*~*~*~
...Yay Christmas!
I still have lots of shopping to do, and my parents still don't know what to get me because I don't know what I want. Except Dark Knight... which Dad won't let me open till Christmas day anyway ;-P

My Five Favoritest Bestly Awesome Christmas Songs Ever!

I'm sitting at work, and the singers for our upcoming Winter Musicale are having at it in the lobby rehearsing. I quickly turned on my iPod so the same songs wouldn't drive me crazy -- but I *did* go right to my Tis Christmas, Bitch! playlist for a snippet of Christmas cheer. I seem to do that daily - pick a few Christmas songs I really enjoy and then go back to regular music.


But here are my five favorites, in no particular order:



~*~*~*~*~




Bizarre Christmas Incident - Ben Folds


This song was written with intended use on the How the Grinch Stole Christmas soundtrack. It was promptly deemed as too Effed up for a children's film, and Folds subsequently produced the not nearly as entertaining, "Lonely Christmas Eve." Incident is a macbre bluegrass number about Santa Claus getting stuck in a chimney with... non-traditional results.



~*~*~*~*~

Last Christmas - Wham! (ie. George Michael)

Who doesn't find the antics of George Michael amusing these days - but somewhere along the line he really hit the nail on its head when he recorded this song. 'Nuff said. :-)

~*~*~*~*~

Hard Candy Christmas - The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas
(for the love of God, not the Dolly Parton version)

So I'm partial, having performed this number. But every time I hear the dreaded DP version on the radio, I automatically want to hear the Broadway Cast version at the same time. It's not even particularly Christmassy, this song - only the chorus implies it - I don't even know what a Hard Candy Christmas actually is. But I like the resolve of the lyrics, "I'm barely getting through tomorrow, still I won't let sorrow bring me way down. I'll be fine."

~*~*~*~*~

White Christmas - The Drifters

You all know this version, brought into our childhoods through Home Alone, when Macaulay Culkin lip syncs to this in the mirror. It's such a unique verision of this song. I almost enjoy older crackling recordings of this song that haven't been digitally remastered even more than the spruced up ones. Something about its having an older feel to it just feels very classic Christmas for me.

~*~*~*~*~



Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree - Brenda Lee

So it's the original version of this song. (And also featured in Home Alone oddly enough.)
It really inspires additional motion in ones ocean at hearing this song, as if your body is saying, "Where is a bloody Christmas Tree, so I can rock around it already?"




Runners Up

Wonderful Christmastime - Paul McCartney (Sooo repetitive. Sooo catchy.)


Dominic the Donkey - Lou Monte (Everyone in my family chuckles when they hear this atrocity, as my cousin once incredulously vocalized, "It's time to lick the donkey? What the hell?" at like, age 9.)

I keep popping on here going, "You haven't written in ages... just write something."

And I sit here, and I wait.
And I sit here and I think...

And I can't come up with anything worth a damn to write about.


::Grasping At Straws Dance! LalaLaLA!::




Okay.

So.

My blue hair.

I adore the everloving shit out of it.

I get compliments from complete strangers who say it really works for me.
From folks who've known others to dye their hair but think this actually looks right on me.

And it can't rinse out fast enough for my parents to feel easy again. My father, before I dyed it asked me things like, "Do you think doing this is going to make you more attractive?"

Thanks, Dad. Really.


But finally doing something that I always wanted to - always thought would be awesome...

And having it be as awesome as I'd hoped, if not better...

Is pretty sweet.

And I say the same thing to anyone who asks why, and depending on their attitude they get something from the following reason pool:

Because *I* wanted to. I've always wanted to. So I did it.
I did it for me - I don't care who likes it. It had nothing to do with whether or not it would make me more or less attractive to someone. It had to do with making ME happy.

Fall has been so dreary this year that I wanted to do something to feel vibrant & alive.

You're only young once.

Cliche whatevers - I know right now I want to keep it like this.
That won't last forever... and really if the time is right... I could always do it again.



Also... I keep getting chatted up about the option of becoming a dental hygenist through some folks at work.
While it sounds wonderful (and depending on where you work the pay can be ridiculously good) -- I'm not sure I can see myself getting over the squicky factor.

Not for everything - my general fascination with the strange would probably kick in -- but I have my own special brand of complete horror at damaging or losing teeth in some way.
If I ever encountered one of those mouths where all the teeth are rotting out... well... how would I handle that? Things to ponder.



I'm also officially buying a Triple Pass to Camelback Ski Resort for the Season. Its a ridiculous deal, ends up being just $26 for a lift ticket that's good ALL day. At freakin' Camelback. They're so hoity toity with their prices -- its over half off. If anyone reads this that is determined to one day journey to the Swiss Alps with Greg, Davey & I -- let us know... you probably want to cash in on this ;-)

I have the bleach.
I have the help.
Leave it to me to fall for the hair color that is made by the brand Hot Topic decided to no longer carry, can't find at the hair supply place or anywhere else I can get it quickly....uggghh..

So Ebay is my friend. I'm hoping by some miracle the extra money I'm paying for shipping will make it arrive by Tuesday.
Which will make Tuesday evening quite interesting.
Sarah is currently in fear of my mother right now for being an accomplice.
I'll have to bring her a bottle of wine for afterwards...

When I wake up early in the morning
Lift my head, I'm still yawning
When I'm in the middle of a dream
Stay in bed, float up stream

For the past... four weeks?... I've been off. Completely out of touch with, well, myself, life, everything in general.
There were jokes about mono - but really I've been pretty numb.
I've felt exhausted without actually doing anything.
Bored, without trying to fix it.
Totally deprived of any kind of energy, to much of anything except function through my day.

Keeping an eye on the world going by my window
Taking my time
Lying there and staring at the ceiling
Waiting for a sleepy feeling

I've always felt like I've been one to really enjoy the seasons of the year for their variety.
Summer for lazy hot days on the beach. Spring for rain, dirt and promise. Winter for hot cocoa, skiing and nature playing dress up with snow. And I think I like the blustery days of fall, colors changing, smelling snow on the horizon.

But now its two years out of three that I'm pretty sure I've been depressed during the same time period. Thankfully this time was shorter, I think. I'm not even sure if I know why I came out of it. I still have a bit of a cold hanging on. My car is a piece of crap. But I woke up this morning and I feel like I'm alive again.

Maybe my head doesn't like fall anymore. Spring is vital. Summer is intense. Winter is like a test of endurance that I love the hell out of even as my teeth chatter away.
Maybe I'm watching the colors change but my head is watching everything start dying.

Maybe its a sad change and I need to do something alive, and vital to get through it.

But I think I'm back.
It feels right.

Also -- it's ridiculous how you can weigh things when your head feels so heavy... but its been interesting to see how I've gauged relationships with folks. There are people I know I don't see every week -- not even every month. But I know we mutually would be happy if we could see each other more often. And there are other people who I don't see - miss like an idiot - and know where I fall on their tree.

Think about yourself as a person taking care of a tree that represents themselves. You might even have another person(s) as part of your trunk and root system right now. Family, significant other, bff. But your support systems are your branches.
You've got big sturdy branches that don't have lots of leaves on them, but their not going to die off anytime soon. You've got big sturdy branches that are in full bloom. You've got smaller branches that are blooming all over the place that maybe you didn't expect. You've got that whacky branch thats twisted and sprouts leaves backwards but it knows too much about you and you love it anyway - and then you've got that branch or two that are dying.
You don't want to cut them off -- because then the tree might look funny. It'll be noticeable. You still have those knots from almost branches and scars from lost branches in high school.
It might even hurt.
But you're sending energy to those branches that can't even remember how to spell 'photosynthesis' at this point. Those branches could've been bad from the beginning but you can't tell from the outside.
A tree like you can't handle the heart pangs of watching those branches slowly die -- snap in half and then crash to the ground (probably killing a squirrel or three on the way down.)
Can you?


Solution.
Get the chainsaw.
Because you're already a nut job.
(And if you're reading this, you're probably okay)


I think I'm dyeing my hair blue.
Also, I think I'm putting an end date on my job and coming up with a solution for this thing I call my life...

So yeah...

Happy Hours at Mad River are starting to redefine how I view the concepts of 'Winning', 'Free', and 'Alcoholism'. Their traditional definitions in my life have been permanently skewed.

Winning involves no skill whatsoever. It doesn't even involve luck, as one might believe after years of winning at random game show nights at college. Nor does it require physical training and diligence. Nor the complete commitment to excellence found in many athletes, CEOs, or Shia LaBeouf. Winning requires only the slightest of motor skills, and the capability of still remembering your own Name, Telephone Number,  Email, and Your Birthday. And if you're feeling sassy your Place of Business.

Free isn't anything that should be valued. It should be expected. Free should be offered to you over your cell line from a hungover yet attractive sounding waitress in the employ of the abysm from whence Free was spawned. Free should come in your inbox weekly announcing that it has arrived for you, to take advantage of it. Sexually. You really want to be taking advantage of free, because it's a cheap date, and is looking for you to actively participate. Hence its existence of actually being free. Free is something that as Americans, we are entitled to. In some way, shape, or form. Always.

Alcoholism isn't so much a disease, as it is a challenge to rope in as many of your friends as you physically able to join you in the melee. Alcoholism - is a video game marathon. A Super Smash Brothers of socially acceptable consumption on a large scale. It's better when a whole variety of characters are there with you for hours. When playing SSB for an entire weekend became commonly accepted as a legitimate way to spend your time as decreed by law-- Alcoholism snuck on as a rider. A classy rider, as long as you don't look too long or too hard. An intelligent rider, as long as you don't let him run his mouth off on politics too long. Alcoholism is a way of making yourself altogether more embraceable by society at large.

And so gentle readers, I am poised to never again enter the depths of Mad River unless thusly armed -- as A Winner, Freeloader, and ready to play the role of High Functioning Alcoholic for the evening.

So I got to go to NY one more time with my mother last week -- and lo and behold we nabbed seats dead center (from every direction) in the mezzanine to see Patti LuPone in Gyspy.
Ever since Evita I've really known and enjoyed her -- but ever since the Broadway Revival of Sweeney Todd, well, she's been my homegirl.

That being said - the production is as brilliant as they say. It's completely worthy of the Tonys it won, everything about it - and Patti LuPone is just spellbinding.

Mom and I trekked off our usual beaten path and headed West of all the hullabaloo of Fashion Ave and ate for $15.00 total at a delicious Thai Restaurant. Mom's never done Thai and always thought she wouldn't like it - but really enjoyed it.
We grabbed some different maps and brochures this time around and are now seriously planning an 'extended trip' sometime around Christmas. We probably won't stay up in NY, but we might buy one of those passes that gets you everywhere and lasts for 9 days. We'd use it for two weekends, or weekdays if we can spare them, and go for a total of four days and hit all those things that we've missed over the years. It's been ages since Ellis Island, we've never done the Empire State Building, or the MET for that matter. Or rode one of those dorky double decker bus tours. It's sounding more and more like a good idea that I'm looking forward to planning with her.

I really should've put a claus in my summer goals for Broadway show trips because 2 in one summer is a first for me too... Go team. Go team go.

~*~*~*~*~

Both concerts I'm seeing in September happen this week -- The Fratellis at the TLA on Thursday Night, and Ben Folds with a live orchestra at the Mann Center on Saturday.
I'm stoked for both. Especially The Fratellis though because tickets were only $16. When does that ever happen anymore!?

~*~*~*~*~

I got a haircut yesterday. I think I like it? If not, I am totally willing to go at it myself with scizzors at this point.

I also think I'm going to go get new glasses sometime soon. Don't expect anything crazy... then again, you never know...

I'm the guy who created the aptively named, "Pancake Breakfast Shot" Thursday night when juice was scarce and syrup was prevalent at Dan's apartment.
1 Shot Vanilla Skyy Vodka + Healthy drizzling of Pancake Syrup
Stir with spoon end.
Lick crux of hand, apply sugar.
Enjoy.

Clearly, Amy + two drinks that could've peeled paint off walls = Small Party


I think all of these things point to the fact that without a rigorous class schedule and demands of running a theatrical organization -- my borderline A.D.D. tendencies and thought-jumping increase tenfold. Usually in a manner that amuses others.


I'm off to run errands (i.e. blow money in various locations) before my family's (picnic/dinner/sort of gathering for the holiday but not really) much later today.

So I'm now four beach trips down -- three to go. I went with my mom on Thursday to Belmar, which was different, but relaxing.
That makes August the bum rush for the beach! I should be going Monday with... Val and Megan I think - I'm determined to hit the magic number!

GO SEE YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN ON BROADWAY WHILE YOU STILL CAN!!!
I want to put Roger Bart in my pocket. He'd totally be a pacifier when the A.D.D. type behavior kicks in... That strange noise he made during The Producers as Carmen Ghia -- that strange clapping his hands in front of his face to make that popping sound -- he can actually make that noise himself! - he did it in one scene during Young Frankenstein -- and is therefore even more amazing.


Anywho....
The family vacation to Virginger went very well.
No one died. No explosions.
Just lots of Gingers, Australian Karen (Our Garmin guide), roller coasters, amazing Thai food, ghost stories and cheap alcohol.
Val was very sweet to offer up her comp tickets for us to use. In turn, Chris and I paid for the hotel and taught her how to drive more aggressively. ;-)
We haven't done anything just the three of us since Senior Year I think, so it was nice.
I really need to upload our ye-olde-time photo for shits and giggles (after I get it copied at CVS winkwink)


So - I've recently become re-addicted to a favorite childhood pastime.
Arcade style video games. Chuck-E-Cheese style.
Except now it's at Dave & Busters where I can have alcohol, but it'd throw off my game...
I hope to win a gigantic fuzzy hippopotamus, or a Wii.
Dan seems at least half as excited (more like 1/4 as excited) as I am when we go, so it's totally okay. We've also dragged John, and will hopefully convert others.
We went there last night...with coupons... got $20 worth of free game play.
I broke a game (temporarily... actually I think it was on its way to being messed up), set off a tilt alarm (but was not caught), and beat Dan on a motorcycle racing game (take that -- you and your jingling keys, you! find the throttle while you're at it...)
We both have just under 1,000 tickets on our accounts now - huzzah!


I've been going to Yoga at the gym, and am not disappointed in the amount of weight I've lost so far this summer. Thanks to my Fit-Flops (...maybe) - I think my legs look great.
Yoga's been a calming treat, and I can bust my ass on the elliptical machine for 45 minutes if I have the time. I've been...well... too busy.
Eating right is hard. I'm a sucker for sleep on workdays and don't get up to pack salads or make eggs - and going out with friends (which always involves eating horribly and drinking excessively) is even harder. In those situations... my will-power shrinks. A lot.

And it's a shitty excuse. It's not even an excuse. More like a lame statement. But I'm still proud that I'm maintaining -- AND indulging. And building up endurance. Instead of indulging and tipping the scales and doing worse at the gym.

That says a lot I think. So I can't be too heartbroken.

The summer's not quite over, and I still have a lot to be proud of. So I'm setting some smaller goals and working to hit those, maintain them, and keep going... I think at this point, it's going to be more realistic for me (also good to realize.) Watching habits of healthy people also helps.


And this October I have my "Work your ass off running around like a crazy person (literally), don't sleep, and like it, dammit" diet to look forward. Jumping wagons is ridiculously good for your arms ;-) And um, there might be a reality TV show about Bates and how they put a haunt together and the people who run it. So if it takes off, there might be a lot of me chasing a certain someone around haranguing her while she behaves badly. I'm already in the Travel Channel haunts episode for all of 15 seconds getting my makeup done - so I've got a background in television? hah. It'll be neat to see how this element will add to the madness.


Speaking of which ---
I keep having ridiculous dreams... like... REALLY ridiculous dreams. Featuring a lot of the same people - some who I barely even get to see, so what does that say? People are very much caricatures in these however, so I've been waking up going, "What the... holy hell... was... wait? What???" and sort of giggle to myself. I've been sleeping pretty hard -- probably since I've been spending a lot of nights at Gary's new place painting/priming -- they started the first night I painted actually... maybe there's something in the fumes? Might need to open some more windows!

Lots in my head though recently. Almost so much that I'm having a hard time channeling it.
I apologize in advance if you wind up being that person sitting across from me with a drink who gets to hear me out...

This post was brought to you by parenthesis and ellipses. (...Seriously.)

And thanks to the usual suspects for your comments.
Ali and I used to say to each other after she graduated, "It's not for a lack of caring it's for a lack of time." Hopefully we'll just find some time soon.... and then we'll be set.

I actually *did* get a chance to write a little bit the day after my last post for this one.

Then things got busy and I can get too easily distracted.... wanna' go ride bikes?



Regardless of whether or not I actually want to post this thing where all eyes can see (and believe me, I've debated) -- it's here in all its glory. Only slightly editted, with a few places I get a little sidetracked...because that's just what I do. After this I can go off and give a recap of vacation and other fun things...


So:

I have to say that I love learning how other people view me some of the time.



I find the cattiness of girls can be amusing in retrospect looking at horrible situations. The vicious way that people can turn on one another at the drop of a hat after professing to be so close.
Luckily I've avoided many of those situations... I think.
I've had horrible friendships in my life. Everyone has.
I wonder sometimes what those people I was once close to now think of me. Do they think of me? What nasty things do they say?
... I really don't care unless they're running into people I know... but still. One can wonder about these things.


It's educational, and even if I'm a wimp when it comes to criticism, it's the only way you learn.
I think if you don't stop and try to look at yourself through other people's (at least through your friends) eyes every once in a while -- your self image can get ridiculously skewwed, and that encompasses the way you carry yourself, interact with people - everything.



One of the things that I think I've always known about myself is something we're going to keep lighthearted here by dubbing it 'hulk smash mode.'


I have a 'hulk smash mode'.
Or rather -- people say that it comes off as if I do -- often enough for most people to be aware of it. I pull off a very solid, "I will murder you with my eyes," look when I need to.
I very much refuse to take other people's crap in a variety of situations, can be very quick to judge/gauge situations/people, and if it's a bad day -- or just the right situation - and my reactions can be less than flattering.

Alot of the times I don't even know I'm doing it. People get miffed or tell me to calm down -- and what often runs through my head at that moment is, "I'm not even ANGRY yet - you think this is Angry?"
I'm not sure why people who *haven't* seen me get in a physical fight before, have that instinct not to go there with me.
I haven't gotten in an actual fistfight since the 4th grade.
I kicked the crap out of the class bully. Maybe that's where it started.
Scuffles in high school, sure - but only as a person who jumped in afterwards to help.

Maybe the looks I've perfected truly can instill the fear of god into the hearts of men.



... I've always seen myself as a bit of a big softee. I love puppies, and sunshine - and cry if a movie hits me just right.

I also dislike cocky bastards. Stupid people eventually make me want to throw heavy objects. And I usually visualize bitch-slapping extremely ignorant people after something extremely ignorant has left their lips.



Perhaps I'm bipolar.


Or maybe other people feel this way.

I know I've literally seen Red, twice in my life. Both occurences have happened within the last year. At this job. So I don't think I can put too much stock in that.

But I'm not quick to forgive and I do *not* forget.
I know other people see me as giving, loyal, fun, impulsive, silly...
Most of the time I see myself as these things too.

But other times I see myself... as those adjectives that line the bottom of my blog. I don't know that anyone has ever actually noticed or looked at those. They're there for a reason. I've felt those ways - I've felt judged those ways. They've been there since day one of my blog when I didn't even let people know I wrote here. Perhaps I link myself more consistently with those adjectives than the positive ones.

I just need to start... watching myself, I guess.



In a similar vein, I hate that I'm a person that needs consistent affirmation from the people I love.

Sad, but true. At least in most cases. There are some people in my life that I don't doubt. They're the people that at the end of the worst day ever, even if I don't talk to them, I know I can say, "Well at least they legitimately give a shit."

It's a very short list. As much as I don't care what other people think for most things - emotionally I absolutely need to feel *something*.


There's nothing worse than pure apathy to me.

Perhaps that's why I'm so expressive.

Um... And this next bit is about a... way I express myself? Shrug.

I've been talking with a local skydiver who is kickass. She's nearly three years younger and certified already to make solo jumps. We've been throwing numbers back and forth. I knew it would cost alot, but I never knew exactly what it might cost to get certified. It'd be under $2000. Which in the grand scheme of things... isn't a lot of money to me for something like this.... I guess it's because of how I spend my money. If it's worth it to me - it's worth it to me.

Getting a brand new car - not worth it to me yet.
I could... mostly afford it if I wanted to.
But I spent just $3000 on a car instead. I want a new car when I'll 'fit' the new car.
I'm saving money for this and that -- I think skydiving might get a savings plan.
Or I might open one of those credit cards you don't have to pay interest on for 15 months...
I whittled down a $2000 credit card bill from my time in Australia on a similar credit card in like...3 months while at La Salle.

They say you make great friends skydiving... but I still can't help but wish I knew someone else well enough who was also going to do it.
I don't think that'll hold me back - but the thought is there....

The Story.

I'm bored out of my mind at work and wavering between extreme productivity and completely boycotting it. So I start looking through blogs, seeing how few update these days (not that there's anything wrong with it, there's just less for me to distract myself with!)
Instead then, I start going back through my own.
What else is this for? It's a time capsule really - that I can look over and remember what it was like and all that.

I got stuck on my pre-2008 entry at the end of December. When I posted it, it was supposed to be something constructive for me, really. Think about things that I maybe didn't want to think about that were bothering me. And really just review the year in general. 2007 was a bit of a rollercoaster for me - in a good way. I read through my 'top 12', my editted down list of folks I was thankful for, despite whatever might have been wrong at the time.
Just looking back it's interesting to read them either as reminders for patience, reminders to be thankful, reminders that sometimes things will never change, sometimes people will learn, sometimes people can fix things. Sometimes things *will* never be the same again.


All in all, it's six full months later... and things are good. My winter passed in a rush of trips, last ditch ski runs and snow-hitos. I've thrown myself out there in a lot of ways, kept a packed schedule and reveled in the little downtime I had.


A few things to look forward to:

• Tuning up the brand new spiffy bike with the help of my brother's friends and getting it on the road.
• Going to LA Fitness -- I've actually TALKED to the people like Thunder, and Battleaxe. They're not so bad, really... ;-)
• The IMAX premiere of Dark Knight, and celebrating Heath Ledger with a real bang...
• To the beach!!!
• The 'family vacay' to Busch Gardens at the end of July
• Going to Sesame Place and getting tangled in the Cargo Nets...again. (And watching Val, of course!)

A few things that will suck:

• Angie moving to Chicago on the 30th. Yaaay following your dream... booo not being here :-(
• My brother moving out --- if only because we shared the blame when things went wrong at the house...

So... I think I'll go back to reading more old entries. Maybe even jump over to the ole' Livejournal.

Tomorrow I think I might write about something that I don't think people write about very often.
I've shown reflections of others through my eyes... I haven't done the reverse.
It's a good way to clean house. I've thought it out - but putting it down will give it some clarity I think.

So yeah... hopefully the phones will stay quiet... the office dull -- and the entry will come. :-)

Well, I've put a dent in my beach trips goal for the summer --- I've been twice since I last posted. Not too shabby, considering I think I might have went once last year. :-) I'm starting to look like I have color rather than someone who actively hides from the sun. The second trip I definitely felt my lack of beach exposure - I got a horrible headache from the heat and the sun, but it was still a wonderful trip.

I've also been chatting with skydivers to get some feedback on where the next jump should be. I almost might go for the beach this time - I just need to get more info on standards and safety before I set a date.

Things have been hectic. Interestingly hectic.

I have a list all ready for when I get a chance to tackle more of my room. Things to do - stuff I know can be sent to the salvation army.
It just kepts getting set aside for receiving panicked phone calls, helping clean for surprise parties, going out and generally having a lot going on.



For those of you scoring at home - you'll know I've also had my share of awkward as all hell.

And if you don't know, well, you probably won't hear about it.



I don't *like* talking about my romantic life - whether there's something going on or not.

I like giving folks the general gist of things, and let it go. I'm getting better at sharing about it, but still... It's not so strange. I know a few others like myself, and luckily we commiserate in our secrecy. However, it seems there may foreseeably be someone new in my life.
Summer always has treated me pretty well in this department in terms of flings, flirtations, and making eyes across a crowded mosh pit.

My gym membership expired. I may be joining one of the mainstream beefcake gyms because I want to go gung-ho with spinning classes and pilates... I'm starting to think I'm going to have fun chasing off trainers and flipping off Thunder or Battleaxe trying to intimidate me off of a machine. Fuck that shit. When it comes to spending time at the gym - it's all about me. It's a little like therapy. So I'm excited at the prospect of getting some extra perks - like saunas and the belly dancing classes they have on thursday nights. I think I'll get free passes too... so if anyone wants to try ;-)

I'll probably get up there Monday or Wednesday...
Cuz Tuesday night, I've got a date...

In other news, AMC Neshaminy displeases me - They now only offer student pricing on Thursday nights, and it's still nine-damn-dollars compared to ten. Apparently Franklin Mills is cashing in on this and is offering cheaper tickets Monday through Thursday or something for like $5.00. So... I'm transferring, even if I don't like the place as much. Anyone who feels like seeing The Hulk, or that Adam Sandler nonsense, just let me know :-)

So I was reading an article in a magazine that talked about a correlation between clutter and weight. I don't know how true it might be, but I thought it was interesting.

With that in mind, I've been thinking about things I'd like to try and accomplish this summer.

Especially after last summer, I feel like it's really my perfect time to get things done. Something in the season really motivates me - so I've been mulling over my lucky seven things I feel could really be good moves for me.

=======

1. Streamline My Room
Whether its clothes, shoes, bags, books, stuffed animals, makeup or random junk - I have a *lot* of stuff. Stuff I don't need. I know that I've tried to compress items into a much smaller space than I got used to during college, and that one day I will have the space I need - but even then, I don't want it filled with crap. It's time for me to really clear out my stuff. I've been doing it in bursts for the past months and its been good - now it's time to go gung-ho and really finish it. I want to throw out my bag of nail polish and replace it with 6 awesome colors - that sort of streamlining. I want to walk into my room for 2 weeks straight without it looking like shit. I've started trying to get rid of one item every day, whether its in the trash or good will. It's less abrupt that way really. But I'm so good at organizing other things, heck, even other people's bedrooms, so it's time I worked a little of that magic for myself.

2. Get to the Beach Eight Times

Why eight? Because I'm afraid I can't reach ten - I want attainable goals. Eight will probably be hard as it is. But after the great spur of the moment day trip this week, I know it's such a positive experience to really strive for this summer. I don't care if it's just for a few hours - or even if its later in the day. I want to get there - with all different people - for all different kinds of trips. I think it could be great. If I reach Six, within a reasonable amount of time, I might up the goal...



3. Get to the Poconos!

Summer just seems to prove impossible for Pocono trips these last few years, and I don't know why. I've been up there in the 'summer' twice in the past four years - and that's just stupid.

I have a freaking HOUSE in the MOUNTAINS by a LAKE with a GOLF CART to ride around on stealing lawn gnomes, where there's awesome OUTLET SHOPPING, PAINTBALLING, HIKING, HORSE-BACK RIDING, CAVES, FLEA MARKETS, and all sorts of silly day trip activities that a semi-yokel like me adores the living daylights out of.

We have a Zombie movie in the works. That's pretty ambitious as it is, but I want to get up there to just enjoy the slower pace every now and then. It's a wonderful kind of break from things.



4. Make major progress in my scrapbook.

I buy all the gear for it, and then have like, three pages done. I know the main reason why I don't want to do it. But I'm gong to have to suck it up and face the fact that I don't live in Australia anymore, and I *do* want to preserve all the awesome photos, and keepsakes I brought home with me in the gorgeous book I bought for *that* purpose. I have so much that laying out the things I want on each page is going to be crazy. I need to steal some of those clear slip covers for binders to stuff with things so I can see what's going on and go from there. It's a big project that I'm going to have to make time for - but it's been over two years now that I've been back - even if it doesn't feel that way. I need to do this for me.

5. Attitude Adjustment

Everyone knows that I think I'm crazy. Or rather, that I *know* I'm crazy. From what some people tell me, I might in fact be wrong. From what other people tell me - I might want to have a sit down talk with some sort of professional. Both camps have my best interest at heart and both have their 'evidence'. I know everyone's got something or other about them that's fucked up, no matter what they say. None of these people though, know exactly how I think - when A. happens - this is the first thing that pops in my mind. When B. goes off, my gut reaction is to insert reaction here. No one else knows that. Should someone? Is my unpredictability in that respect a good thing - or am I right in thinking that there could be something inherently fucked up in how things go off in this head of mine at times. It's to the point where I'm not sure if 'talking to a professional' might help if there's something wrong -- or my slight paranoia that they'll tell me something is wrong simply by the fact that I showed up and they want to keep me coming. There's a short list of 'things I think could be the problem'. Whether or not it's real doesn't matter -- certain people will be hearing about this over the summer. And something's going to give. One way or the other.

6. Lose 20 more pounds.

This could be the hardest. Only time will tell. After dropping 50 lbs it's really an uphill battle. But I'm so proud of myself that I've maintained where I am now, and have everything really ready now to hunker down and go the rest of the way. Even then, I might want to go further. You really can't understand what it feels like. Like a metamorphasis. Because people really do treat you differently. I *act* differently. In a way, its horrible to realize - but I'm ignoring that and concentrating on being the best me I can be. I'm doing it to be healthy. I'm doing it because I want to be able to hike for hours and then hike some more. I want to define myself, truly, by my actions. It's still hard to shake what many refer to as the 'fat girl attitude'. It's a defense mechanism. It's a desire to go unnoticed, to purposely avoid eye contact... all those fucked up habits need to go along with everything else.
I need to settle into a better gym routine, and see where I can kick things up a notch. I might try swimming. It's supposed to be great for you.
I'm working on finding a bike - so I'll be looking for anyone who wants to do that -- or to hike this summer. Anything outdoorsy really...


7. Take the plunge... again.

It's been over a year and a half. I *need* to go skydiving. Anyone who wants to go again, or for the first time, has nearly $200 to drop, and won't have me face a firing squad of angry parents for being the antichrist (sorry, Doug-though if you can swing it, please come!) by all means, join me. I got five to go last time. I'm good at this game. I've been scouting out locations. I'd love to go by the shore.
That's the most essential 'adventure' of the summer - but I want others. Gene and I have discussed a paintball outing that absolutely has to happen. I've never been, and that's stupid! Horseback riding is another one. So yeah... bring it!

=======

My birthday is next week... I'll be turning 23. I'm thinking "Boat, Beer & Bonfire," will be the means of celebrating that friday. And as of my birthday, I'll say my summer begins. I don't really have any other marker, so that works just as well for me. I kind of can't wait...

I generally dislike writing on the mundane - but at the same time, that's better than having something truly horribe happening in my life.

Since I haven't written anything in over a month, I figured I owe myself a bit of a cleanout.



I've been so excited these past weeks with the coming of the warmer weather. The days its rained I've been tired and feeling low - and then the sun comes out and everything's better. That doesn't happen in the deep winter, or even the summer really when it rains. Just spring - but it works. It's when I reboot. Summer I'm usually much more productive (zombie movie, anyone?) so I've been pulling my summer clothes out of the attic in excitement.... only to find that nothing fits. Sure - "i have no room to complain" because its a good thing -- but I also HAVE NO CLOTHES! Like, someone-give-me-a-rope-or-something-my-pants-are-falling-completely-down-I-have-no-clothes. On my paycheck it's not going to be fun trying to create a new wardrobe. Hooray for my birthday coming up in a few weeks... I can guilt relatives into clothing me.



This week also was the first week without Gene here - or Christiana for that matter. Now that they're both gone it's ridiculously noticeable. The days go slower, and aren't really entertaining the way we'd make them. They both came back last night for our opening night party over at the scene shop (hooray!) and we're still going to be friends after this - but going it alone here is alot harder than I thought it would be. Gene was my office sibling - we'd tape things to each other, page one another over the phone system with death threats, and generally have a good time being crazy. BRT was slowly sucking out his soul though, so we made his last week great. Taco and Ice cream runs (not at the same time, promise), an hour cigar 'smoke break' to make up for all the time we'd never slacked off from work to smoke, a cowboy vs. gladiator fight... the list goes on. And he was the guy who made me feel confident that friends after college can be just as worthwhile. Last night we celebrated with another cigar outing outside the shop and just talked about anything. He's a cool kid - and I only hope the new hires are half as awesome as he is.

Things are pretty good otherwise - nothing exciting to report, which is fine by me.

Well there are two things... Eddie Izzard on Monday! And Stone Temple Pilots on the 18th! Sarah landed pit tickets for my birthday... So yeah - exciting things! Probably the only exciting thing about my birthday really... its on a tuesday this year, and I never know what to do or feel like 'celebrating' myself. Whatev...

Oh wow... on another note.... exciting... in a horrible way...
Sindhu just got fired. Like walked in here and said today was her last day by Sue's decree.
Um... time for damage control?
Run!

Dear Liver,
Honestly, I don't *mean* to abuse you this way... not really.
It's just that you happen to be stuck on the front lines when it comes to dealing with this thing that I will NOT be calling 'my alcoholism' because I don't think we've quite reached that point yet. Anyways, I'm sorry for last night, and hope you'll be willing to either speak with me or deal with more liquor in the next 24 hours or so. Chin up ole' gal! <3 Me


Last night was amazing. I still can say I'm a well behaved drunk - and I listen when I'm towed around and guided out of bars and into subways without hemming and hawwing like a lunatic.
Go team.
Much love to Dan & Greg for a much needed night on the town.
How is it that I slept like a baby and Dan got sick?


I've also decided that being a late bloomer in certain respects isn't so bad at all.
Even drinking - I drink now more than I did in college. I enjoy it even more now than I ever would have in school because of the stress of everything else.
It's so much easier to relish things, and find things to look forward to when you're not doing everything and being so demanding and expectant of things.
It's kinda awesome.

Reaaaaally.... really.... bored at work.

If you had to be _________ then you'd choose to be a ________ .

A Vegitable .... Red Pepper
An Animal .... Wombat
A Fruit .... Peach
A Color .... Midnight Blue
A Household Object .... Blender
Article of Clothing .... Scarf
A Drink .... Lemonade
A Famous Person .... Cate Blanchett
A Film Character .... Kate McKay in Kate & Leopold (mmm... Hugh Jackman as timetraveling hunk from the 19th century...I'd hit that.)
A Cartoon Character .... Bender in Futurama
A Car .... A red 1968 Pontiac Firebird Hardtop Coupe
A City .... Sydney, AU
A Country .... New Zealand
A Mythical Creature .... Hippogriff
A Chocolate Bar .... Kit Kat
A Book .... Veronika Decides To Die
A Sport .... Skiing
A Word .... Anatidaephobia: The fear that somewhere, somehow, a duck is watching you.
One of Your Family .... My cousin Alexis
One Of Your Friends .... Sarah - but only if we switched in a Freaky Friday scenario and screwed with people's heads.

The ones that got away (or, you'll just never get...)

1. Pride & Prejudice (1995)

7. Dead Alive (1992... directed by Peter Jackson a lifetime before LotR!)

10. Sense & Sensibility (1995... a good year for Jane Austen, really...)


Bonus: Alan Rickman (who is the shit) - as Hans Gruber in Die Hard, as The Metatron in Dogma, and Colonel Brandon in Sense & Sensibility.

Steeeeaaaaling...

1. 15 Favorite Movies
2. Quotes
3. Post so folks Guess
4. Cheat and bad things will happen...


1. A: If he has withdrawn his high opinion of you, why should you care?
B: I don't know! I can't explain it. I know I shall probably never see him again... I... cannot bear to think that he is alive in the world......and thinking ill of me.


2. A: I knew a man once who said, "Death smiles at us all. All a man can do is smile back.
B: I wonder, did your friend smile at his own death?
A: You must know... He was your father. (Gladiator - DP)


3. You better grow eyes in the back of your head, you horned piece of shit, because I'm not gonna sleep until worms are crawling up your foam-rubber ass! I'm goin' on safari motherfucker! SAH-FAR-I! [rhino noise] (Death to Smoochy - DP)


4. This may smell bad, kid, but it'll keep you warm until I get the shelter up... Ugh. And I thought they smelled bad on the *outside*. (The Empire Strikes Back - DK)


5. A: Attention, whoever you are. This channel is reserved for emergency calls only...
B: No fucking shit, lady!! Do I sound like I'm ordering a pizza?! (Die Hard - DK... it's about time someone got this!!)


6. You know that was the time I was most frightened... waitin' for my turn. I'll never put on a lifejacket again. (Jaws - DP)


7. What do you want? You're not from ze immigration. I told you people I lost my bloody papers ok. My family left Latvia during the occupation. Ve vere hunted like DOGS!


8. You're a... you're a complex Freudian hallucination having something to do with my mother and I don't know why you have wings, but you have very lovely legs and you're a very nice tiny person and what am I saying, I don't know who my mother was; I'm an orphan and I've never done drugs because I missed the sixties, I was an accountant. (Hook - DP)


9. A: I don't want this, it's too big.
B: That's what Jesus said. Yes, I had to tell him. And you can imagine how that hurt the Father - not to be able to tell the Son Himself because one word from His lips would destroy the boy's frail human form? So I was forced to deliver the news to a scared child who wanted nothing more than to play with other children. I had to tell this little boy that He was God's only Son, and that it meant a life of persecution and eventual crucifixion at the hands of the very people He came to enlighten and redeem. He begged me to take it back, as if I could. He begged me to make it all not true. And I'll let you in on something, Bethany, this is something I've never told anyone before... If I had the power, I would have. (Dogma - DK)

10. A: Do you compare your conduct with his?
B: No. I compare it with what it ought to have been; I compare it with yours.


11. A: Are you able to see the white line painted on the floor directly behind you, Six-Double-Five-Three-Two-One?
B: Yes, sir.
A: Then your toes belong on the *other* side of it! (A Clockwork Orange - DP)


12. Fuck you, W****! I didn't create the situation, I'm just dealin' with it! You're acting like a first year fucking theif - I'm acting like a professional! If they get him, they can get you. They get you, they get closer to me, and that can't happen! And you, motherfucker, are lookin' at me like it's MY fault. I didn't tell him my name. I didn't tell him where I was from. I didn't tell him what I knew better than NOT to tell him! Fuck, fifteen minutes ago you almost told me your name! You, buddy, are stuck in a situation YOU created. So, if you wanna throw bad looks somewhere, throw 'em at a mirror! (Reservoir Dogs - DK)


13. I think you will find me a slasher... of prices! (Hot Fuzz - DK)


14. This morning, a list arrived at the headquarters. It was a list of civilians who’d been…rounded up and sent to Germany in a convoy… that left Stalingrad three weeks ago. My parents were amongst them. After 300 kilometers the Germans stopped the train and forced everyone out. In the middle of a bridge, they bound them together, two by two. Mothers with daughters. Husbands and wives. They… lined them up against the railing, and then fired a single shot at each pair… to save bullets. It worked. The bodies of the ones who died dragged the others under the water. I know they died together. They never would have let themselves be separated. (Enemy At the Gates - JC)


And last, but not least - probably my favorite storytelling scene from a movie ever. Many points to the person who gets this...

15. "Once upon a time deep, deep in the jungle there was a little engine that could and he was chuggin' his way across the enemy line. chugga chugga chugga chugga, chugga chugga chugga chugga, toot toot. This little engine's mission was to take some AK-47's and a nuclear payload over the mountain to the 20-63 battalion, needless to say there was plenty opposition. You think that stopped the Little Engine That Could? No-sir-e-Bob, He just kept chuggin’ along…
chugga chugga chugga chugga, chugga chugga chugga chugga, toot toot
Not even when they climbed aboard the train and popped out the eyes of the conductor. And blood and snot was drippin’ out his eye sockets.
You think that stopped the Little Engine That Could? Damn skippy he just kept chuggin' along.
chugga chugga chugga chugga, chugga chugga chugga chugga, toot toot
It wasn’t till... Charlie rigged the bridge with plastic explosives.... Just as the Little Engine was making his way across the trestle:
BOOM!
Explosion happened! Blood and guts and spit and ass was everywhere, And Bubba come crawling out the back door... both legs missing...
Lula May’s Baby Boy - And he looked up at me, he said 'Payne, I can't feel my legs...'
and I said 'Bubba, they ain't there' And I looked down and them little bloody nubs was kicking real fast like this here. And I said, “Bubba, It’s thirty miles to the nearest town, unless you can flip upside down and walk on your hands, you ain't gonna make it. All of a sudden Charlie was all over the place, just me and my sidearm. I had no other alternative but to blast my way out:
AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
DIE PIG DIE!
(Major Payne - DP... Dammit, Doug, be proud!)


Also, this happened by accident - but I've got the same case as Jess.
Bonus: Name the actor that stars in 3 of the 15 movies? There's also one who stars in 2 films...

Bonus #2: Robin Williams, in Death to Smoochy, and Hook - DK