Friday night brought Tavern fabulousness --- and me running into, not only my high school theater program's musical director Kevin, but our assistant director Tommy as well! Kevin was the pianist at Tavern and Tommy works upstairs at the bar. It was so bizarre, walking through the door and going, "Now wait a minute...."
Not only that, but a Mr. Matthew Fischetti was there too - so catching up with people I haven't seen in a while (or ages) was a lovely surprise.

I harassed people to sing, sang myself, and we closed down the bar before I drove home still feeling the last drink Lou bought for me.

Saturday brought a gym visit, and meeting up with folks at Jess' place in Northern Liberties to pregame for the walk down to the Electric Factory for Ben Folds. We got a great spot just past the barricades between the floor and bar area, so even the us shorties of the group could see well. Ben could probably sing from the phonebook and I'd be immensely happy to see him anyhow. :-) He did sing "Underground," which I've never heard him do live - and it was spectacular. Ali and I were the definite bounce & dance kids of the group, so at least we were next to each other ;-)
Afterwards we headed to Bob & Barbara's and met up with other folks, closed down the bar, and went to the Penrose Diner in South Philly (after Tom tried to get us very lost with his directions) where both Elliot and I decided to get the Penrose Belt Buster (because everything else cost $7, so why not pay just $8 for EVERYTHING) We didn't eat it all, but felt very fat and sassy afterwards.
By the time Lauren drove us back to Jess' place, and then *I* drove home, it was almost 5 a.m.

I promptly collapsed, and slept till 12:30 -- all thanks to one of those dorky little sleep masks that cover your eyes.
I only ate dinner on Sunday because of said Belt Buster in the wee hours of the morning...


Which brings me to my next point... After last week being so slow losing weight. After a weekend where I didn't make the best choice by eating at 3 am....
I'm down like woah.
Past where I was last week too, by a whole pound. :-)

Last week I knew I was at least making progress strengthwise, because I was lifting heavier on all the machines I use, and was doing the elliptical machine at one setting harder resistancewise without any real difference in my heart rate. So I was getting somewhere -- maybe just getting my metabolism ready to move at a higher rate consistently? Whatevs!

I'm down 5.4 lbs, and the ladies in the office notice, and my mom claims my jawline looks better. All things that just keep boosting me along.

This week I'm really going to trrrrry to concentrate on the whens and whys about my eating habits. Buy one get one salad's at Saladworks are awesome...

Stalemate!



The word of the week. The weight loss has tapered off to a crawl, with setbacks by ounces that make me a disgruntled lady in the mornings staring down at my scale, but take heart, gentle readers -- It's fucking on. And I'll keep on truckin', as it were.



Stalemate is also applicable - because on Wednesday (which now feels like eons ago) I was lucky enough to show up at Mariana Bracetti Academy and observe a 10th grade History class in action for two periods after Ali worked her magic for me. They were starting a unit on World War I, and Justin was trying to explain several concepts, including stalemate. WWI, he explained, was caught in a stalemate oftentimes due to the nature of trench warfare.

It was a really interesting opportunity - I took copious amounts of notes. How he moved around the classroom, different tactics and approaches he used with the kids. How the kids responded to him, their behaviors, their answers to questions and almost A.D.D. approach to learning.



Next week my Dad is setting me up to see two different teachers at his middle school, one an older teacher, and one a younger teacher.


It really hit home how different my education was from alot of folks. I mean, I know lots of people who've done the private/catholic school thing, and I always knew it was different. I actually believed it was probably a little less vicious (as far as the social scene), and a little lower on the food chain academically. But actually seeing it (granted, several years down the line) was a big eye opener. And I'm glad! It just got me to thinking more about things, which is always good.



I feel like I need to see a few more teachers in action, in different settings. If I could land something somehow and get an emergency cert, I'd be on cloud nine, but what are the odds of that happening? But going out there and really getting a better grip on the teaching process is the next best step in figuring out if this is what I really want to be doing. If it feels right, I guess taking the assorted tests for grad school entry would be wise. I'm thinking Temple... because it's not La Salle. ;-)



Anyways - this weekend is shaping up nicely. Show at La Salle tonight, Ben Folds Concert tomorrow. Gwen's back in town, and I'm expecting a little gaggle of alumni to do something fun after RTE is over... So let's do this... :-)

Fiber One Bars!

:-)

Anyone who knows me well enough or has road tripped with me, or snacked with me knows that I can at any moment burst out with a, "Behold! The Power of Fiber One Bars!" promo that should really have me on television.

Well... they're just that good.



So I might as well keep track of my progress here so I can look back for encouragement or at leas to track my progress. Otherwise I'll just start posting vague song lyrics and then who knows where we'll be!

I'm down another pound... in 2 days.
4.4 down in less than 2 weeks. I was actually very surprised this morning on the scale. Not that I didn't do well yesterday, it's just that I'd expected a slow loss day. With the roads getting more and more snow last night, by the time I finished dinner, driving to the gym didn't seem like such a great idea.
So I only got in some good stretching, and 15 minutes on the treadmill doing running bursts. Fun thing about our treadmill - A. it was free -- but B. it's stuck on a slight incline. It's not horrible, but it makes running... fun. ;-) And by fun, I mean slightly insane.
But I done good, apparently.

No gym tonight either. Tonight is my first trip to Ikea - ever - with Jess to get some stuff she needs at her new place.

Tomorrow night though, I have an idea. I'm hoping it works out. I'm going to see if there's a fit looking woman I can stalk, and follow into the heavy lifting area where normally guys who look like American Gladiators hang out. I really want to try my hand at free weights. Its supposed to be so good for you, and mixing it in with weight machines is even better, because you have to really work on coordination to control free weights properly. Few women venture that direction. I need to find one that doesn't look like a bitch that I can either approach and directly ask for some pointers, just tail casually to see how she does things.

I might have to try this on a low traffic evening so as not to embarass myself too horribly. ;-)
I also might have to try kidnapping Lish to come with me so she can at least be there standing next to me if I fail at something and still feel validated.

So my next goals at the gym are - getting enough nerve to try the pull up bar machine (it offers a weight handicap, but still, scary to me), getting into no woman's land and trying some big free weights, if my schedule allows - get into a spinning class and see if I don't throw up trying to keep up with the pack.


Boosh!

This past week my brain and my body went - Enough Already!!!

It is in fact ass-whoopin' time.
I went to the gym Monday, Tuesday, Thursday & Friday, moved Jess into her new place Saturday and was back on the horse eating fruits, veggies, pounding back water like its my job, and really tracking what I've been eating.
And I'm down 3.4 lbs.
So I feel like there's something to be said for a good jump start.

I started slipping past the point of maintaining weight.
I felt uncomfortable wearing newer, smaller clothes, and a whole slew of other emotional repercussions resulted in the weeks that followed.

My gym gear is in my car.
I've got a Fiber One bar to tide me over till I hit SaladWorks afterwards.
This week's results may not be so high, but I can do my best, and I'd rather have it be realistic anyway.


The wedding in March is a wonderful excuse for me to finally get back to really working towards getting into the shape I want to be in.
Do it up!

Nah Nah Nah Nah! Hey Heeey! Goodbye!



Oh Thank God...






















So long sir, may your descent into private life offer the dignity you've lacked so desperately these last eight years.

Ski Season is Here!


Even late lasst night, you could almost smell the snow in the air.
It's a deep, cold, subtle smell, that's almost as much of a innate sensing, as a smell.

The snow today made me happy! Even if it DID make my drive to work slightly more treacherous than normal (you know, river pirates) - my lightweight little car needs to pack some heat in the trunk...

Skiing this weekend was amazing! Friday was some good fun teaching some newbies (Kate and Vall) & looking out for our repeat offender (Doug). Davey's brilliant addition of radios to the mix resulted in hilarious call names, and us acting like we owned the place. Sorry Greg, Anal Thunder is much easier to remember than Yankee Bravo. :-)

Saturday the Big Kids went skiing. The first weekend of the season isn't necessarily the best weekend to go two days in a row. We were sore & tired in a LOT of ways, but desperately kept our spirits up. Each run brought some problem or other, whether it was complete blindness due to snow & fogging glasses, or boots hurting several legs - we went the distance. Mostly. ;-)

Which brings me to our next adventure... Maine. We'll get in some more skiing before then, I'm sure, but:

How do you go from this...
Camelback Mountain, the most... varied & difficult resort
in the nearby Pocono area - 33 Trails

To this...?
Sunday River, in Bethel, MAINE - 131 Trails
And four times the size of anything I've ever seen...

Ever since I broke my two front teeth in half as a kid, I've exercised caution in a lot of 'falling' sports, particularly where hard ground is involved.

This past weekend Davey & I challenged ourselves by hitting an intimidating looking hill with moguls and everything at Camelback.... we were... less than impressive. But we did it, despite not being in the best condition to try it.

In order for me to *not* die in Maine, several things need to happen... Battle Plan!!!:

I need better face protection from the cold -- AND goggles that I can live with that won't fog up.
I still think I need better gloves.... and something has to happen in the neck area. Otherwise I'm quite warm.

My ski boots need tweaking. Friday I did okay, Saturday I put them on, and my left foot failed at life, my big toe specifically. Either they need to be heat molded again, or I might need bigger boots... I *have* had them since high school.

I need to get to the gym and start doing a lot more lower work with my legs on the weights.

And more skiing needs to be done!
Building stamina back up for tackling hills is the best thing to do aside from hitting the gym.
I feel I'd have been better able to tackle more difficult hills if I weren't feeling so exhausted come the end of Saturday (that and the knot in my right thigh)

I'm very excited. Sunday River has ski clinics for skiers to better learn advanced tactics. I've never HAD advanced lessons, just rudimentary instructions from my Dad & things I've picked up from watching people. This prospect is the even MORE exciting.

Davey & I *aren't* Greg. But we'll do our best, & hopefully learn alot, and keep laughing our asses off while doing it. That's all that matters. I'll try my best to be as ready to tackle Maine as I can be by March 6th...

Whiskey Tango, out. :-)

Talk about a jam-packed weekend.

It started out Friday going straight towards the mall to grab last minute decorations and things for Sunday afternoon, and placing my order of balloons.

Then Sarah's birthday at the Khyber - we were only out till midnight because we were all still exhausted from New Years festivities/having to work during the day Friday.

Saturday was the Bachelorette Party/Scavenger Hunt Extravaganza, which came together under Julia's direction perfectly!

My location was Bob & Barbara's, where Jess was kind enough to chill with me for a PBR & whiskey special while I had my ususal, before heading to the Wilma to meet Amanda. The vodka & cranberry drinks there are wonderful because they come in pint glasses. And I had three.

In that time, the bartender, aptly named Butch, and I conversed about the wonderful crap on the walls (So much PBR content), how the PBR special originated at Bob & Barbara's, and about the Scavenger hunt I was a part of.
During this time, Butch decided I was a classy lady, and began pouring me several free shots of whiskey, to help fight off the cold for the next leg of our journey.

Amanda arrived - the toilet paper veil was craftily assembled in the bathroom, and advise on marriage was offered by both Butch, and another patron we will always remember as St. Tim.

The belligerent stumble down South street to Manny Browns eventually led us to Mixto on Pine Street, where I wisely chose not to drink any further till the end of the evening.

Sunday morning, bright and early I was off picking up the balloons, to my aunt's for more extra chairs for the party, and back to my house to whip up a batch of Green Bean Caserole - one of my mother's prized dishes which sadly takes a good hour & a half to cook. I dove into my car and the rest of the day went alot more smoothly. We had an ungodly amount of wonderful food and snacks at Ali's apartment, and ooh'd and ahh'd over Amanda's pretty presents.

After doing some cleaning up, I drove back home, took many antihistamines and passed out early in the evening.

So today, despite feeling like I haven't had any weekend at all -- things are good.
Even with another ridiculously busy weekend on the horizon.
Everything turned out better than we'd hoped (and we were desperate for things to go well) and there are a ton of pictures floating around out there to document our every move. :-)

And with that... I'm crawling back under my desk ;-)

Happy New Year!

Last evening was spent at Cantina Los Caballitos where Mexican food was delicious, free nachos were plentiful, and a 2 hour $15 open bar sealed the deal very nicely.

Good times were had - photos were taken - just not on my camera.

There IS one great one floating around out there with the group of us each double fisting our drink of choice.

Today was my first time seeing the Mummers Parade in person. I've watched it on TV. I do a mean Mummers Strut, complete with parasol, when given the opportunity. But it's just never worked out properly.

We wound up with a spot right along the fenceline just south of Broad & Washington right at one of the performance areas.


Television really doesn't do this bizarre tradition justice, let me tell you. We went into the streets armed with spiked hot chocolate or orange juice just as the String Bands hit the street.

We laughed, ooh'd & aah'd, and hooted the entire time. We reached the point of near death due to exposure just as the last of the String Bands were finishing - so it worked out perfectly.

I'd love to watch it again next year, probably slightly more intoxicated, and definitely with several more layers of clothing on!

Traditional New Years Dinner of pork & sauerkraut was held at my grandmother's, where Craig & I giggled over SNL clips.


And now -- after nearly 2 weeks off -- I'm headed back to work tomorrow.

At least I'll have 2 paychecks waiting for me. ;-)
And next week is only a four day week...

Never having been a great fan of New Years, 2009 certainly started off on the right foot.

And with lots of girly Wedding-Type-Things this weekend I'm sure to be busy.

But I figure, last year I broke my blogging record... so I might as well shoot for that again this year - and start that off right too!

Best book Read This Year (found randomly through a late night chat with Michael Borton): Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies by Agnes Nutter, Witch by Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman


Best Book Devoured in one day of SAT proctoring and subsequent BRT night shift: Twilight, by Stephenie Myer


Best new bad habit: Book-stalking and holding books at the library/Hunting down all other books written by favorite authors I have yet to read = Enormous Task AND following the Sookie Stackhouse series both in print and on the HBO adaptation...



Best Book Published Before 1930 Read This Year: The Masqueraders by Georgette Heyer (1928) It's like Jane Austen never died...




Best New TV Obsession: House



Biggest Loss to the Literary World: Kurt Vonnegut
Biggest Loss to the Musical World: Luciano Pavarotti
Biggest Loss to the Film World: Paul Neuman
--Saddest Loss to the Film World: Heath Ledger
Biggest Loss to the Media World: Tim Russert
Biggest Loss to the Fasion World: Yves Saint Laurent


Biggest Loss to the World in General: Dith Pran, the Cambodian-born journalist whose experiences of brutal enslavement & eventual escape from that country's murderous Khmer Rouge revolutionaries in '79 inspired The Killing Fields, which is still the best wide-reaching testament of the genocide that happened there.



Worst Setback to the Women's Movement in 20 Years: Sarah Palin

Revelations & Affirmations

-The gym and I will be better friends in 2009, even if my social life slows down slightly because of it. I've gotten too far to stop now. :-)

- No relationship is perfect. The closer you get, the worse the damage can be sometimes - but it's worth it for that closeness & comfort level.

- Now I just need to keep talking.

- I miss having conversations about books, film, art... just something different. I've got to find an outlet for that...

- Learning to let go isn't a simple process, but I think I'm getting it.

- The shortlist of things I want to do but haven't, due to money or whatever, is getting penned in this year, I can feel it. :-)

Over the next few days, 2008 will come back to me in a cluttered fashion, which will allow for posting of random thoughts on its occurences.


My Best Decision on a Whim: Dyeing my hair fun colors.

My Best Eureka Moment IS My Best Dumbass Moment This Year: Those JESUS signs. That consist of a little block of wood with other little pieces of wood glued on top and it says, "Jesus," on them? There has been one in my house since I was born.

I never actually saw the word 'Jesus' in the negative space until sometime this August.

I always though the weird squiggles of wood were something akin to very basic Aramaic symbols that represented Jesus name.
I was elated and felt completely idiotic at the same time.

Come on everyone, laugh at me. This was awesome.


Best Film I watched on DVD: Goodbye, Lenin!

Best Film (as in *I* had the best time) I saw in theatres: Iron Man/Dark Knight/Tropic Thunder three-way tie. Don't make me pick -- because I can't!

Most Underrated Film of the Year: Australia (why do you all hate it so much! lol)

Worst Film of the Year: Hancock (Why, Will Smith, WHY?)

Best New Online Guilty Pleasure: Kate Beaton Comics (http://www.katebeaton.com/) She has 2 series of 'Historic' Comics that are ridiculous.


More later. I'm only here because I was out Christmas shopping and A. My phone died, and B. My cousin desperately needed me to email him a cute photo of him and his sister so he could print it and put it into a frame for his parents for Christmas.
And my back feels like its going to implode on itself from weakness in structure. Yay Chiropractor... but, yeesh...

I was doing so well!

I read two novels by Neil Gaiman, one of them also penned by Terry Pratchett, called Good Omens - this being similar to the film Dogma but years older, and ten times funnier.

Then Gaiman's world famous Neverwhere, and after that Stardust.


I finally read Kurt Vonnegut's Slaughterhouse-5, Joseph Heller's Catch-22.

The twistedly brilliant Time Traveler's Wife, and then Kazuo Ishiguro's heartbreaking Never Let Me Go. I even gave Annie Proulx's short stories a chance (I really don't like short stories... I adored her Shipping News though) by reading Heart Songs.



Eight Books.

Eight REAL books, and I stumbled.

Goodreads sent me an email update... someone had read Dead Until Dark.
The first book in the Sookie Stackhouse series... of eight so far. Go figure.
I went to my library's website... and put it on hold minutes later.
Less than a week later, I'm already on the 4th book.

At least I can say there's great characterization, great stories -- its better than Twilight. It feels more real than Twilight. It's not as sappy and idealistic.
But its still trashy vampire fiction.
And I love it so dearly...

Sigh.
I'm still putting a dent into my library copy of The Golden Compass. It's less exciting have seen the movie, but still interesting.

I still have a copy of Albert Camus' The Plague on my bookshelf at home, along with his The Fall, and Exile & The Kingdom, and Annie Proulx novel Postcards from the library.


Lets face it - all these other books will receive little attention till i finish all 8 of the currently published books until I can get my hands on the 9th book due in 2009.
This is what I do when I get obsessed with a book series.

It was nice, being a semi-intelligent reader, while it lasted.... :-)

Bwahahahaha... 3 posts in one month.
Blogger tells me I haven't done this since March, and I think I now officially have made 2008 the year with the most posts (by one.)
I shouldn't even write anything else, just to be that guy...


Yesterday Mom and I went to NY to try our luck at TKTS in Time Square to grab some tickets to a Broadway show. It was our... third trip this year. We ended up getting ridiculously good seats for Arthur Miller's All My Sons, starring John Lithgow (sweet jesus), Diane Weist (so good!), Katie Holmes (adequate). Our first straight drama. Actually we've done two plays this year and just one musical. All have had wonderful famous folks in them. We saw Nathan Lane in November, & Patti LuPone in Gypsy over the summer. We've really had great luck this year on our trips!

~*~*~*~*~
Also... I'm working a total of 14.5 hours this week at work.
This, is amazing. And with my own version of Christmas Break starting at the end of next week... I am one pleased blue-haired lady. (Oh my GOD, I just kept getting compliments in the city yesterday.)

~*~*~*~*~
My weekend is looking like its about to choke to death - Opening Night tonight at the theater, Megan's birthday celebration tomorrow night, going back to NY saturday afternoon for Tom & Meg's shindig Saturday night, maybe or maybe not doing more in the city, or attending a fundraiser Sunday.

~*~*~*~*~
...Yay Christmas!
I still have lots of shopping to do, and my parents still don't know what to get me because I don't know what I want. Except Dark Knight... which Dad won't let me open till Christmas day anyway ;-P

My Five Favoritest Bestly Awesome Christmas Songs Ever!

I'm sitting at work, and the singers for our upcoming Winter Musicale are having at it in the lobby rehearsing. I quickly turned on my iPod so the same songs wouldn't drive me crazy -- but I *did* go right to my Tis Christmas, Bitch! playlist for a snippet of Christmas cheer. I seem to do that daily - pick a few Christmas songs I really enjoy and then go back to regular music.


But here are my five favorites, in no particular order:



~*~*~*~*~




Bizarre Christmas Incident - Ben Folds


This song was written with intended use on the How the Grinch Stole Christmas soundtrack. It was promptly deemed as too Effed up for a children's film, and Folds subsequently produced the not nearly as entertaining, "Lonely Christmas Eve." Incident is a macbre bluegrass number about Santa Claus getting stuck in a chimney with... non-traditional results.



~*~*~*~*~

Last Christmas - Wham! (ie. George Michael)

Who doesn't find the antics of George Michael amusing these days - but somewhere along the line he really hit the nail on its head when he recorded this song. 'Nuff said. :-)

~*~*~*~*~

Hard Candy Christmas - The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas
(for the love of God, not the Dolly Parton version)

So I'm partial, having performed this number. But every time I hear the dreaded DP version on the radio, I automatically want to hear the Broadway Cast version at the same time. It's not even particularly Christmassy, this song - only the chorus implies it - I don't even know what a Hard Candy Christmas actually is. But I like the resolve of the lyrics, "I'm barely getting through tomorrow, still I won't let sorrow bring me way down. I'll be fine."

~*~*~*~*~

White Christmas - The Drifters

You all know this version, brought into our childhoods through Home Alone, when Macaulay Culkin lip syncs to this in the mirror. It's such a unique verision of this song. I almost enjoy older crackling recordings of this song that haven't been digitally remastered even more than the spruced up ones. Something about its having an older feel to it just feels very classic Christmas for me.

~*~*~*~*~



Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree - Brenda Lee

So it's the original version of this song. (And also featured in Home Alone oddly enough.)
It really inspires additional motion in ones ocean at hearing this song, as if your body is saying, "Where is a bloody Christmas Tree, so I can rock around it already?"




Runners Up

Wonderful Christmastime - Paul McCartney (Sooo repetitive. Sooo catchy.)


Dominic the Donkey - Lou Monte (Everyone in my family chuckles when they hear this atrocity, as my cousin once incredulously vocalized, "It's time to lick the donkey? What the hell?" at like, age 9.)

I keep popping on here going, "You haven't written in ages... just write something."

And I sit here, and I wait.
And I sit here and I think...

And I can't come up with anything worth a damn to write about.


::Grasping At Straws Dance! LalaLaLA!::




Okay.

So.

My blue hair.

I adore the everloving shit out of it.

I get compliments from complete strangers who say it really works for me.
From folks who've known others to dye their hair but think this actually looks right on me.

And it can't rinse out fast enough for my parents to feel easy again. My father, before I dyed it asked me things like, "Do you think doing this is going to make you more attractive?"

Thanks, Dad. Really.


But finally doing something that I always wanted to - always thought would be awesome...

And having it be as awesome as I'd hoped, if not better...

Is pretty sweet.

And I say the same thing to anyone who asks why, and depending on their attitude they get something from the following reason pool:

Because *I* wanted to. I've always wanted to. So I did it.
I did it for me - I don't care who likes it. It had nothing to do with whether or not it would make me more or less attractive to someone. It had to do with making ME happy.

Fall has been so dreary this year that I wanted to do something to feel vibrant & alive.

You're only young once.

Cliche whatevers - I know right now I want to keep it like this.
That won't last forever... and really if the time is right... I could always do it again.



Also... I keep getting chatted up about the option of becoming a dental hygenist through some folks at work.
While it sounds wonderful (and depending on where you work the pay can be ridiculously good) -- I'm not sure I can see myself getting over the squicky factor.

Not for everything - my general fascination with the strange would probably kick in -- but I have my own special brand of complete horror at damaging or losing teeth in some way.
If I ever encountered one of those mouths where all the teeth are rotting out... well... how would I handle that? Things to ponder.



I'm also officially buying a Triple Pass to Camelback Ski Resort for the Season. Its a ridiculous deal, ends up being just $26 for a lift ticket that's good ALL day. At freakin' Camelback. They're so hoity toity with their prices -- its over half off. If anyone reads this that is determined to one day journey to the Swiss Alps with Greg, Davey & I -- let us know... you probably want to cash in on this ;-)

I have the bleach.
I have the help.
Leave it to me to fall for the hair color that is made by the brand Hot Topic decided to no longer carry, can't find at the hair supply place or anywhere else I can get it quickly....uggghh..

So Ebay is my friend. I'm hoping by some miracle the extra money I'm paying for shipping will make it arrive by Tuesday.
Which will make Tuesday evening quite interesting.
Sarah is currently in fear of my mother right now for being an accomplice.
I'll have to bring her a bottle of wine for afterwards...

When I wake up early in the morning
Lift my head, I'm still yawning
When I'm in the middle of a dream
Stay in bed, float up stream

For the past... four weeks?... I've been off. Completely out of touch with, well, myself, life, everything in general.
There were jokes about mono - but really I've been pretty numb.
I've felt exhausted without actually doing anything.
Bored, without trying to fix it.
Totally deprived of any kind of energy, to much of anything except function through my day.

Keeping an eye on the world going by my window
Taking my time
Lying there and staring at the ceiling
Waiting for a sleepy feeling

I've always felt like I've been one to really enjoy the seasons of the year for their variety.
Summer for lazy hot days on the beach. Spring for rain, dirt and promise. Winter for hot cocoa, skiing and nature playing dress up with snow. And I think I like the blustery days of fall, colors changing, smelling snow on the horizon.

But now its two years out of three that I'm pretty sure I've been depressed during the same time period. Thankfully this time was shorter, I think. I'm not even sure if I know why I came out of it. I still have a bit of a cold hanging on. My car is a piece of crap. But I woke up this morning and I feel like I'm alive again.

Maybe my head doesn't like fall anymore. Spring is vital. Summer is intense. Winter is like a test of endurance that I love the hell out of even as my teeth chatter away.
Maybe I'm watching the colors change but my head is watching everything start dying.

Maybe its a sad change and I need to do something alive, and vital to get through it.

But I think I'm back.
It feels right.

Also -- it's ridiculous how you can weigh things when your head feels so heavy... but its been interesting to see how I've gauged relationships with folks. There are people I know I don't see every week -- not even every month. But I know we mutually would be happy if we could see each other more often. And there are other people who I don't see - miss like an idiot - and know where I fall on their tree.

Think about yourself as a person taking care of a tree that represents themselves. You might even have another person(s) as part of your trunk and root system right now. Family, significant other, bff. But your support systems are your branches.
You've got big sturdy branches that don't have lots of leaves on them, but their not going to die off anytime soon. You've got big sturdy branches that are in full bloom. You've got smaller branches that are blooming all over the place that maybe you didn't expect. You've got that whacky branch thats twisted and sprouts leaves backwards but it knows too much about you and you love it anyway - and then you've got that branch or two that are dying.
You don't want to cut them off -- because then the tree might look funny. It'll be noticeable. You still have those knots from almost branches and scars from lost branches in high school.
It might even hurt.
But you're sending energy to those branches that can't even remember how to spell 'photosynthesis' at this point. Those branches could've been bad from the beginning but you can't tell from the outside.
A tree like you can't handle the heart pangs of watching those branches slowly die -- snap in half and then crash to the ground (probably killing a squirrel or three on the way down.)
Can you?


Solution.
Get the chainsaw.
Because you're already a nut job.
(And if you're reading this, you're probably okay)


I think I'm dyeing my hair blue.
Also, I think I'm putting an end date on my job and coming up with a solution for this thing I call my life...

So yeah...

Happy Hours at Mad River are starting to redefine how I view the concepts of 'Winning', 'Free', and 'Alcoholism'. Their traditional definitions in my life have been permanently skewed.

Winning involves no skill whatsoever. It doesn't even involve luck, as one might believe after years of winning at random game show nights at college. Nor does it require physical training and diligence. Nor the complete commitment to excellence found in many athletes, CEOs, or Shia LaBeouf. Winning requires only the slightest of motor skills, and the capability of still remembering your own Name, Telephone Number,  Email, and Your Birthday. And if you're feeling sassy your Place of Business.

Free isn't anything that should be valued. It should be expected. Free should be offered to you over your cell line from a hungover yet attractive sounding waitress in the employ of the abysm from whence Free was spawned. Free should come in your inbox weekly announcing that it has arrived for you, to take advantage of it. Sexually. You really want to be taking advantage of free, because it's a cheap date, and is looking for you to actively participate. Hence its existence of actually being free. Free is something that as Americans, we are entitled to. In some way, shape, or form. Always.

Alcoholism isn't so much a disease, as it is a challenge to rope in as many of your friends as you physically able to join you in the melee. Alcoholism - is a video game marathon. A Super Smash Brothers of socially acceptable consumption on a large scale. It's better when a whole variety of characters are there with you for hours. When playing SSB for an entire weekend became commonly accepted as a legitimate way to spend your time as decreed by law-- Alcoholism snuck on as a rider. A classy rider, as long as you don't look too long or too hard. An intelligent rider, as long as you don't let him run his mouth off on politics too long. Alcoholism is a way of making yourself altogether more embraceable by society at large.

And so gentle readers, I am poised to never again enter the depths of Mad River unless thusly armed -- as A Winner, Freeloader, and ready to play the role of High Functioning Alcoholic for the evening.

So I got to go to NY one more time with my mother last week -- and lo and behold we nabbed seats dead center (from every direction) in the mezzanine to see Patti LuPone in Gyspy.
Ever since Evita I've really known and enjoyed her -- but ever since the Broadway Revival of Sweeney Todd, well, she's been my homegirl.

That being said - the production is as brilliant as they say. It's completely worthy of the Tonys it won, everything about it - and Patti LuPone is just spellbinding.

Mom and I trekked off our usual beaten path and headed West of all the hullabaloo of Fashion Ave and ate for $15.00 total at a delicious Thai Restaurant. Mom's never done Thai and always thought she wouldn't like it - but really enjoyed it.
We grabbed some different maps and brochures this time around and are now seriously planning an 'extended trip' sometime around Christmas. We probably won't stay up in NY, but we might buy one of those passes that gets you everywhere and lasts for 9 days. We'd use it for two weekends, or weekdays if we can spare them, and go for a total of four days and hit all those things that we've missed over the years. It's been ages since Ellis Island, we've never done the Empire State Building, or the MET for that matter. Or rode one of those dorky double decker bus tours. It's sounding more and more like a good idea that I'm looking forward to planning with her.

I really should've put a claus in my summer goals for Broadway show trips because 2 in one summer is a first for me too... Go team. Go team go.

~*~*~*~*~

Both concerts I'm seeing in September happen this week -- The Fratellis at the TLA on Thursday Night, and Ben Folds with a live orchestra at the Mann Center on Saturday.
I'm stoked for both. Especially The Fratellis though because tickets were only $16. When does that ever happen anymore!?

~*~*~*~*~

I got a haircut yesterday. I think I like it? If not, I am totally willing to go at it myself with scizzors at this point.

I also think I'm going to go get new glasses sometime soon. Don't expect anything crazy... then again, you never know...

I'm the guy who created the aptively named, "Pancake Breakfast Shot" Thursday night when juice was scarce and syrup was prevalent at Dan's apartment.
1 Shot Vanilla Skyy Vodka + Healthy drizzling of Pancake Syrup
Stir with spoon end.
Lick crux of hand, apply sugar.
Enjoy.

Clearly, Amy + two drinks that could've peeled paint off walls = Small Party


I think all of these things point to the fact that without a rigorous class schedule and demands of running a theatrical organization -- my borderline A.D.D. tendencies and thought-jumping increase tenfold. Usually in a manner that amuses others.


I'm off to run errands (i.e. blow money in various locations) before my family's (picnic/dinner/sort of gathering for the holiday but not really) much later today.

So I'm now four beach trips down -- three to go. I went with my mom on Thursday to Belmar, which was different, but relaxing.
That makes August the bum rush for the beach! I should be going Monday with... Val and Megan I think - I'm determined to hit the magic number!

GO SEE YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN ON BROADWAY WHILE YOU STILL CAN!!!
I want to put Roger Bart in my pocket. He'd totally be a pacifier when the A.D.D. type behavior kicks in... That strange noise he made during The Producers as Carmen Ghia -- that strange clapping his hands in front of his face to make that popping sound -- he can actually make that noise himself! - he did it in one scene during Young Frankenstein -- and is therefore even more amazing.


Anywho....
The family vacation to Virginger went very well.
No one died. No explosions.
Just lots of Gingers, Australian Karen (Our Garmin guide), roller coasters, amazing Thai food, ghost stories and cheap alcohol.
Val was very sweet to offer up her comp tickets for us to use. In turn, Chris and I paid for the hotel and taught her how to drive more aggressively. ;-)
We haven't done anything just the three of us since Senior Year I think, so it was nice.
I really need to upload our ye-olde-time photo for shits and giggles (after I get it copied at CVS winkwink)


So - I've recently become re-addicted to a favorite childhood pastime.
Arcade style video games. Chuck-E-Cheese style.
Except now it's at Dave & Busters where I can have alcohol, but it'd throw off my game...
I hope to win a gigantic fuzzy hippopotamus, or a Wii.
Dan seems at least half as excited (more like 1/4 as excited) as I am when we go, so it's totally okay. We've also dragged John, and will hopefully convert others.
We went there last night...with coupons... got $20 worth of free game play.
I broke a game (temporarily... actually I think it was on its way to being messed up), set off a tilt alarm (but was not caught), and beat Dan on a motorcycle racing game (take that -- you and your jingling keys, you! find the throttle while you're at it...)
We both have just under 1,000 tickets on our accounts now - huzzah!


I've been going to Yoga at the gym, and am not disappointed in the amount of weight I've lost so far this summer. Thanks to my Fit-Flops (...maybe) - I think my legs look great.
Yoga's been a calming treat, and I can bust my ass on the elliptical machine for 45 minutes if I have the time. I've been...well... too busy.
Eating right is hard. I'm a sucker for sleep on workdays and don't get up to pack salads or make eggs - and going out with friends (which always involves eating horribly and drinking excessively) is even harder. In those situations... my will-power shrinks. A lot.

And it's a shitty excuse. It's not even an excuse. More like a lame statement. But I'm still proud that I'm maintaining -- AND indulging. And building up endurance. Instead of indulging and tipping the scales and doing worse at the gym.

That says a lot I think. So I can't be too heartbroken.

The summer's not quite over, and I still have a lot to be proud of. So I'm setting some smaller goals and working to hit those, maintain them, and keep going... I think at this point, it's going to be more realistic for me (also good to realize.) Watching habits of healthy people also helps.


And this October I have my "Work your ass off running around like a crazy person (literally), don't sleep, and like it, dammit" diet to look forward. Jumping wagons is ridiculously good for your arms ;-) And um, there might be a reality TV show about Bates and how they put a haunt together and the people who run it. So if it takes off, there might be a lot of me chasing a certain someone around haranguing her while she behaves badly. I'm already in the Travel Channel haunts episode for all of 15 seconds getting my makeup done - so I've got a background in television? hah. It'll be neat to see how this element will add to the madness.


Speaking of which ---
I keep having ridiculous dreams... like... REALLY ridiculous dreams. Featuring a lot of the same people - some who I barely even get to see, so what does that say? People are very much caricatures in these however, so I've been waking up going, "What the... holy hell... was... wait? What???" and sort of giggle to myself. I've been sleeping pretty hard -- probably since I've been spending a lot of nights at Gary's new place painting/priming -- they started the first night I painted actually... maybe there's something in the fumes? Might need to open some more windows!

Lots in my head though recently. Almost so much that I'm having a hard time channeling it.
I apologize in advance if you wind up being that person sitting across from me with a drink who gets to hear me out...

This post was brought to you by parenthesis and ellipses. (...Seriously.)

And thanks to the usual suspects for your comments.
Ali and I used to say to each other after she graduated, "It's not for a lack of caring it's for a lack of time." Hopefully we'll just find some time soon.... and then we'll be set.

I actually *did* get a chance to write a little bit the day after my last post for this one.

Then things got busy and I can get too easily distracted.... wanna' go ride bikes?



Regardless of whether or not I actually want to post this thing where all eyes can see (and believe me, I've debated) -- it's here in all its glory. Only slightly editted, with a few places I get a little sidetracked...because that's just what I do. After this I can go off and give a recap of vacation and other fun things...


So:

I have to say that I love learning how other people view me some of the time.



I find the cattiness of girls can be amusing in retrospect looking at horrible situations. The vicious way that people can turn on one another at the drop of a hat after professing to be so close.
Luckily I've avoided many of those situations... I think.
I've had horrible friendships in my life. Everyone has.
I wonder sometimes what those people I was once close to now think of me. Do they think of me? What nasty things do they say?
... I really don't care unless they're running into people I know... but still. One can wonder about these things.


It's educational, and even if I'm a wimp when it comes to criticism, it's the only way you learn.
I think if you don't stop and try to look at yourself through other people's (at least through your friends) eyes every once in a while -- your self image can get ridiculously skewwed, and that encompasses the way you carry yourself, interact with people - everything.



One of the things that I think I've always known about myself is something we're going to keep lighthearted here by dubbing it 'hulk smash mode.'


I have a 'hulk smash mode'.
Or rather -- people say that it comes off as if I do -- often enough for most people to be aware of it. I pull off a very solid, "I will murder you with my eyes," look when I need to.
I very much refuse to take other people's crap in a variety of situations, can be very quick to judge/gauge situations/people, and if it's a bad day -- or just the right situation - and my reactions can be less than flattering.

Alot of the times I don't even know I'm doing it. People get miffed or tell me to calm down -- and what often runs through my head at that moment is, "I'm not even ANGRY yet - you think this is Angry?"
I'm not sure why people who *haven't* seen me get in a physical fight before, have that instinct not to go there with me.
I haven't gotten in an actual fistfight since the 4th grade.
I kicked the crap out of the class bully. Maybe that's where it started.
Scuffles in high school, sure - but only as a person who jumped in afterwards to help.

Maybe the looks I've perfected truly can instill the fear of god into the hearts of men.



... I've always seen myself as a bit of a big softee. I love puppies, and sunshine - and cry if a movie hits me just right.

I also dislike cocky bastards. Stupid people eventually make me want to throw heavy objects. And I usually visualize bitch-slapping extremely ignorant people after something extremely ignorant has left their lips.



Perhaps I'm bipolar.


Or maybe other people feel this way.

I know I've literally seen Red, twice in my life. Both occurences have happened within the last year. At this job. So I don't think I can put too much stock in that.

But I'm not quick to forgive and I do *not* forget.
I know other people see me as giving, loyal, fun, impulsive, silly...
Most of the time I see myself as these things too.

But other times I see myself... as those adjectives that line the bottom of my blog. I don't know that anyone has ever actually noticed or looked at those. They're there for a reason. I've felt those ways - I've felt judged those ways. They've been there since day one of my blog when I didn't even let people know I wrote here. Perhaps I link myself more consistently with those adjectives than the positive ones.

I just need to start... watching myself, I guess.



In a similar vein, I hate that I'm a person that needs consistent affirmation from the people I love.

Sad, but true. At least in most cases. There are some people in my life that I don't doubt. They're the people that at the end of the worst day ever, even if I don't talk to them, I know I can say, "Well at least they legitimately give a shit."

It's a very short list. As much as I don't care what other people think for most things - emotionally I absolutely need to feel *something*.


There's nothing worse than pure apathy to me.

Perhaps that's why I'm so expressive.

Um... And this next bit is about a... way I express myself? Shrug.

I've been talking with a local skydiver who is kickass. She's nearly three years younger and certified already to make solo jumps. We've been throwing numbers back and forth. I knew it would cost alot, but I never knew exactly what it might cost to get certified. It'd be under $2000. Which in the grand scheme of things... isn't a lot of money to me for something like this.... I guess it's because of how I spend my money. If it's worth it to me - it's worth it to me.

Getting a brand new car - not worth it to me yet.
I could... mostly afford it if I wanted to.
But I spent just $3000 on a car instead. I want a new car when I'll 'fit' the new car.
I'm saving money for this and that -- I think skydiving might get a savings plan.
Or I might open one of those credit cards you don't have to pay interest on for 15 months...
I whittled down a $2000 credit card bill from my time in Australia on a similar credit card in like...3 months while at La Salle.

They say you make great friends skydiving... but I still can't help but wish I knew someone else well enough who was also going to do it.
I don't think that'll hold me back - but the thought is there....